That's the phrase right? I don't really know what it means; is your garden really weedy or do you have bad dirt?
Anyway, I'm referring to this whole pregnancy thing--not for the faint of heart my friend.
I've had a pretty rough time of it. I really envy those women who feel fantastic for a whole nine months, eat anything they want, then have a baby at the end (although I really hope their epidurals wore off during the pushing phase and that their baby is ugly). I am not one of those women.
For the first trimester I was nauseous every evening beginning around 3:00. And I'm not talking, oh, just a little sick. You know that feeling when you're hungover and you've thrown up everything you could possibly imagine you've ever eaten and you're still throwing up? Yeah, that was me. And not only was this lovely experience something I got to do every night, it also happened in the morning if I didn't eat soon enough or if I ever went too long without eating. Basically I was slave to food, something I have issues with anyway, and at a certain point Yale was even wondering if I was throwing up so I wouldn't gain any weight. I could only eat meat in very small doses and that was limited to chicken. Nothing tasted good to me (except, strangely, cheese sandwiches) and I was very worried that the baby was going to die because I wasn't eating enough. My school schedule didn't fit into this at all: I had an 8 o'clock class every Tuesday and Thursday, a night class on Wednesdays, and a class on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons that was held in a classroom that tended to hold organizational meetings in it that served food (the smell of which lingered all through my class and, of course, made me feel sick). I also couldn't get any medication to help with this until about 8 weeks into my pregnancy because I switched doctors and she couldn't prescribe me anything having never treated me (although, honestly, if I were just a pill head I certainly wouldn't be requesting nausea medication). I couldn't get any other doctor to give me anything either.
The headaches too were, and still are, an issue. If you've known me for any length of time, you know I get migraine headaches. In the recent years they've gotten much, much better but pregnancy has a way of f-ing things up. Whenever the weather changes, or even considers changing, I've gotten HORRIBLE migraines. I can't even sleep they are so bad; I just lay there in a dark room vaguely wishing for death. Since I'm pregnant I can't take anything that I normally would so I'm stuck with Tylenol 3s, which anyone who has migraines knows barely dulls the pain.
Then there is the sleep issues. For the first 3 months it's almost like I was on autopilot. I floated around all day in a fog until I could go back to sleep. I would literally sleep about 14-16 hours a day (I'm serious; ask Yale). It was all I could do to skim readings for school--hell, it was all I could do to wake up and go to class! I barely left the house because I was using all my spare time sleeping. I realized the other day I hadn't been to the mall in four months. This may seem shallow, but it really shows how little I was doing. I would make plans and cancel them due to feeling like complete shit. Now, I'm still suffering from a bit of fatigue during the day but it's for an entirely different reason: insomnia. Just about every night I wake up from around 1-3 or 4. I would literally lie in bed for hours trying to go back to sleep. Now I just get up and try to do something productive, like laundry or studying for finals. As an example, right now I've been studying Insurance Law for about three hours and have started blogging. It could be from stress (finals are so much fun!) but I've read that it could just be from hormone spikes at this point in pregnancy. Who knows, I just know it makes for a damn inconvenient day.
Let's not forget about the stomach issues. You know that commercial for Pepto Bismol (which I can't take, by the way) that lists all the symptoms it cures? I could be on it because I have all of them, plus some. I have no clue why pregnancy causes such a terrible time for the digestive system, but it sure does suck.
And finally on My Big List O' Pregnancy Complaints, I feel like I've had very little support throughout all of this. Through the first trimester I could barely come up with a cohesive thought let alone ask for help, but now that I can I feel like much of it has been denied. Some people have been dismissive of my complaints (MOTHER!!) and some have just been downright unsympathetic. I realize it's difficult to relate if you've never been pregnant or had an easy pregnancy, but sometimes a girl just needs a blank sounding board for bitching, ya know? A couple of "Uh huhs" and "Oh, that must suck" would have been sufficient at times when I got responses that were downright hostile. It almost seems like my whole support system (with a few exceptions) crumbled at a time I needed it most.
I might be reading into things a little too much (after all the hormones are going wild) but I have felt a sense of judgment from people--for what I don't know. After all, I'm pregnant with my husband's child; what's wrong with that?
I guess society doesn't really see pregnancy as anything special anymore. After all, one hears of actress working while seven months pregnant and very successful businesswomen can't really afford to take time for themselves. But it really is a time of enormous change, both physical and mental, and I guess people just don't know that until they've experienced it. Now don't get me wrong, I haven't suddenly turned into one of those weirdos who think that anyone who has never had a child is missing out (Hello! Unplanned pregnancy here! Bitching about how horrible I've felt!) but I do think there is a certain, not jealousy, but uncertainty about the pregnant woman. You can't really treat her the way you've always treated her (whether you like it or not she's changed forever) but she's also still the person you've always known (did anyone read the previous post where I commented on vibrators and dildos?).
I suppose I'm just asking for a little sympathy, a little slack, and a little respect for everything I've been going through. I know, you're thinking, Cry Me A River, but--I wouldn't wish the way I've felt these past few months on my enemies (with perhaps a few exceptions, hee hee) so don't make me wish it upon my friends.
Here is the dress. I feel like it MIGHT fit, but then I don't want to spend that much money on a dress that only has the potential to fit. Does anyone know where I can get a dress that doesn't look horrible and I will still be able to wear later if it's expensive?
