Monday, December 22, 2008

'Tis the Season



This time of year always makes me reflect on what's changed in my life and what has remained the same. The year 2008 has been especially hard for me and my family.
I found out in early January that I was pregnant; not necessarily a bad thing, but definitely a surprised and something that changed/delayed my carefully laid plans. I felt horrible for the first 16 weeks and had a difficult time adjusting to being pregnant. All during this time, my grandmother who basically helped raise my brother and me was in the hospital; she passed away in March. Yale completed his Master's of Accounting in May and I finished my second year of law school. This past summer, my brother announced that he was getting a divorce. Then Jonah ended up making his debut almost a month early--taking not only his mama and daddy by surprise, but also everyone else. I was required to deal with Jonah in the NICU, not being able to nurse, Jonah having jaundice, acid reflux, and colic, postpartum depression, and all the other wonderful things a newborn needs. November saw the remarriage of my brother, my and Yale's second anniversary, and Jonah hitting the 3 month mark, the holy grail to parents.
Jonah just turned 4 months this past Friday and he's wonderful. He looks JUST like his Daddy (no Mama's baby Daddy's maybe here!) and his personality is shaping up to be much like mine (which is not necessarily a great thing, haha!). He still drinks the really expensive formula, but I would rather pay for that than have a baby in pain. He only wakes up once during the night to eat and his digestive problems are working themselves out. I love him more and more each day and I know don't know what I would do without him.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Nebraska

Sometimes I want to take Jonah and drop him off at one of those safe havens in Nebraska where you can drop your kids and not be prosecuted. Like today when he screamed for about 5 hours with breaks for bottles and the 1 hour walk I took him on just to get some peace and quiet. Maybe I'll loose that baby weight faster than I was thinking--that is if I stop drinking the half bottle of wine a night I've been needing to settle my nerves. I don't know if I'm meant to be a lawyer, but I'm certainly not meant to be a stay at home mom.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Intervention

Jonah's smiles are like crack cocaine: cheap, addicting, and will cause you to do anything to get more.

Monday, October 20, 2008

15

It's currently 1:51 and I'm up for the first feeding of the night. Jonah is back to sleep but I can't get this thought out of my head:
Does anyone else remember the TV show "15"? It was on Nickelodeon when it first started as a network and was all high drama. One of the character's names was Dillon way before that name was cool.
This is what I think of at almost 2 am.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

(Bitter) Sweet 16

As a new mom, I have many worries, the most shallow being my current weight. I've always had a horrible relationship with my body and I can't say that I am in a good place right now. I remember the day I decided to become bulimic--my junior year of high school when I was doing the play "It's a Wonderful Life." The only other person near to my age in that show smoked like a fiend, had horrible skin, and weighed about 100 lbs. I had been near her in rehearsals for a couple of months and one day I had just had it with myself. I always felt too big onstage, too big in life, and I wasn't going to do it anymore. I got to where I would eat half a bagel a day. That's all. I lost 30 lbs. in two months and looked great. I "maintained" my weight by walking at least 3 miles a day (every day) and throwing up food if I felt I had eaten too much. By my freshman year of college I had lost ten to fifteen more pounds and had completely f-ed up my relationship with food. I took off the 2nd semester of my sophomore year because things had gotten way out of control.
I currently am wearing a size 16. This is three sizes larger than the size I had at one time vowed to kill myself if I ever wore. I realize I had a baby two months ago and I shouldn't freak out over how I look so soon, but I do. It seems like I will never be where I want to be again, size wise. I wonder where my self control went. If I tried to eat only a bagel now I would probably faint if I didn't kill someone first. I want to somehow recapture that crazy food nazi person I used to be with a little less of the forced vomiting. Or maybe I should just find someone to convince me that Angelina Jolie really wears a size 12.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Relief

Thank God Jonah's doing better because if he wasn't, Mama would be out of her mind right now. His Prevecid seems to be working rather well, along with the medicine we got that is used for colic but actually relaxes the abdominal muscles so he won't cramp so badly. The only thing that is still a problem is spit-up. Anyone who's been around babies very long knows that spit up happens and you just kind of have to deal, but sometimes he will spit up EVERY TIME you pick him up. We've gotten used to just having burp towels everywhere (there is at least one flung somewhere in every room of the house) but the worst part is the smell. Jonah is on this special formula (which is, of course, the most expensive) because of all his tummy problems and my inability to breastfeed (long story, just know that I feel like a horrible person). It's doing very well but it stinks to high heavens out of the jug, let alone after it's been sitting in his stomach for a while and then comes out. It's the most horrible smell I've ever encountered; I'm pretty sure that smell is what they should use when training people who deal with dead and decomposing bodies. What's terrible about it is that he tends to carry this smell around with him. We tend to baby wipe his neck and face every time we even think he spit up and I bathe him at least once a day, no matter how tired I am, or I end up with a very stinky baby, and not the poop stink (although, let me tell you, that is LOVELY too).
I was freaking out that he wasn't on track developmentally. Most 8 week olds (yes, he's that old!) by now are picking their heads up and smiling all the time and following toys with their eyes. Jonah is still working on the head pick up, is just starting to smile, and seems like any toy I show him doesn't exist. I, of course, was convinced that my child was autistic, until someone much less stressed who has more sleep than I, reminded me that he's really only supposed to be just about four weeks old. Just because a baby is born early doesn't mean he is really that age. I've been told to gauge his developmental milestones based on his due date, not his actual birthdate, since the first three, almost four weeks of his life were spent much the same way they were in the womb, sleeping, eating, and growing. If I do that, he's right on track, maybe even a little ahead, with his age group. All the milestones tend to even out around two or so; it's just keeping your competitive instincts out of it until then (I'd hate to have to beat down someone because they said Jonah was behind their child who was born around the same time).
Yale and I are adjusting to having Jonah here, Yale I think better than I am. At first I was so paranoid that I wasn't doing the "right" thing. I had this idea that I was supposed to be able to do everything: cleaning, cooking, errands, baby care, etc. I hit a mental wall around five-six weeks postpartum. I couldn't do all of these things and the ones I was doing I didn't think I was doing very well at all. I was convinced Jonah didn't like me and that if I wasn't around things wouldn't be any different. First, the doctor put me on a different anti-depressant (the one I was on, Zoloft, I had been put on because I was trying to breastfeed, but that wasn't working--neither the breastfeeding nor the Zoloft). Second, I realized that I wasn't required nor expected to do everything and that asking for help isn't terrible. Third, Yale and I needed a BREAK! We weren't expecting Jonah so soon and we hadn't really had time to prepare mentally to be taking care of a baby, let alone a baby who had all the things wrong with him that we've been dealing with. Luckily, my parents and Yale's mom have been taking turns keeping Jonah when we need a breather or just extra sleep. Since my dad retired he's just across the street and I can take Jonah over there during the day if I need to do something and Yale's mom doesn't work so she has been more than willing to help. I didn't realize that sometimes you just need someone to hold the baby while you try and do laundry or wash bottles or whatever. My parents have also been keeping him on Saturday nights, which means Yale and I usually take Ambien and go to sleep by 8:30. I'm such an independent person that it's hard for me to ask for help, but I've learned to never refuse free babysitting, especially when the baby in question has been up all night screaming because he prefers to sleep on someone, not in his cradle (yes, he's already that spoiled :-)).
What sucks is having to disappoint people. We've made plans with Andy and Rachel probably a million times, that have had to be canceled because we have a sick little guy. I'm reluctant to plan to do anything with people because I don't know what will come up and I feel horrible canceling if I have to. I know people understand, I just hate to be that flaky.
On another note, Jonah loves background noise, so I've been recording lots of TV shows for us to watch during the day. Last night I recorded one about the Duggar family from Arkansas. They have 17 children, another on the way, and their oldest just got married. Last night's special was about him proposing to his wife. Both of them are 20, have known each other for two years, and didn't even kiss until they got married. I totally understand if people want to wait to have sex until marriage (what with all the STDs and shit out there) but it is a foreign concept to me about the not kissing until marriage (not the first I've heard of this--a girl I went to middle school with waited for her first kiss with her husband until they got married and I'm sure if she had felt this way at the time would have waited for her first kiss ever until she got married). I think it's an interesting concept and in some historical cultures kissing is considered more intimate that actually having sex (I know that in the past, Japanese prostitutes had a special, almost taboo, lovemaking technique--kissing). But honestly, a peck on the cheek? A kiss on the top of the head? Simple signs of affection aren't allowed. Only hand holding. And they have to have chaperons wherever they go--because the two individuals', after having made this commitment, can't be trusted? Strange. I don't understand. Also, here's an observation: a shot of them reading the Bible while driving. Dangerous? I think so.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Tummy Trouble

We have been having a time with Jonah lately. For the 1st three weeks of his life, he was the perfect baby--sleeping and eating on a self-imposed schedule and only crying when he needed food (he is one of those who likes to sit in a wet diaper, yuck!). Lately, however, he has been screaming for seemingly no reason except that he was obviously in pain.
Well, like any internet savvy mother, I WebMD'd his symptoms and found that he most likely had reflux. I called the Dr. who proscribed Zantac. Great, I thought, this is going to be over soon and my wonderful baby will be back. Not so fast, sister.
First, Jonah hated the taste of the Zantac so it was difficult to get him to take it. Then I spilled half the bottle trying to get him to take it. Finally it didn't seem to be working at all. He would still have these screaming fits and be writhing in pain, so much so that I dreaded feeding him and he wouldn't be getting hardly any sleep at night.
Yesterday I took him to the doctor and he was checked over thoroughly. Nothing blocking the stomach or intestines, that he could tell, and it just seems that the Zantac wouldn't work for him. Now he's on baby Prevecid and seems to be doing better, but we'll see. I really hope this works, because if it doesn't, I don't know what to do.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

An Aside

Is anyone else watching Project Runway and Top Design? I record them and watch them when I am home with Little Man and have some very strong opinions on both.
Project Runway: Korto needs to win. If anyone thinks differently, they haven't been watching the show. She has not turned out anything that looks crappy or is ugly. She has never been in the bottom and is completely consistent. I would LOVE her to design something for me!
At first I hated Blayne but I was actually sad to see him go. I am so over Kennley. She is good at what she does but not everyone looks right in a 40s style dress with flowered print and tulle. Show something new!
Top Design: It's still early, but right now I like Andrea and Eddie. Andrea has great taste and isn't so hung up on modern design, the way lots of designers can be. Eddie is WAY hyper and makes me nervous when they follow him, but I think he's really talented. He has a great eye for style. We'll see what happens this week.
What's with the Thai guy? He drives me crazy. Stop giggling and WORK. Cary shouldn't have gone home last week but he did because he got Giggly for a partner who SUCKS. I really can't wait for him to leave.

Please, anyone else watching either show, share your thoughts.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Think Before You Act

While I try to keep this blog about Jonah and his life, I just couldn't help but post this. I feel it has a connection because I don't want my little boy to grow up in a world where this behavior is a very real possibility.

Palin's town charged women for rape exams


ANCHORAGE, Alaska (CNN) -- Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin's hometown required women to pay for their own rape examinations while she was mayor, a practice her police chief fought to keep as late as 2000.

A former Alaskan lawmaker says it seems unlikely that Gov. Sarah Palin was unaware of Wasilla's policy.

A former Alaskan lawmaker says it seems unlikely that Gov. Sarah Palin was unaware of Wasilla's policy.

Former state Rep. Eric Croft, a Democrat, sponsored a state law requiring cities to provide the examinations free of charge to victims. He said the only ongoing resistance he met was from Wasilla, where Palin was mayor from 1996 to 2002.

"It was one of those things everyone could agree on except Wasilla," Croft told CNN. "We couldn't convince the chief of police to stop charging them."

Alaska's Legislature in 2000 banned the practice of charging women for rape exam kits -- which experts said could cost up to $1,000.

Palin, the Republican nominee for vice president, often talks about her experience running Wasilla, population approximately 7,000, and that has prompted close scrutiny of her record there. Wasilla's practice of charging victims for their rape exams while she was mayor has gotten wide circulation on the Internet and in the mainstream media. Video Watch CNN's Jessica Yellin check the facts in Wasilla »

Some supporters of Palin say they believe she had no knowledge of the practice. But critics call it "outrageous" and question Palin's commitment to helping women who are the victims of violence.

For years, Alaska has had the worst record of any state in rape and in murder of women by men. The rape rate in Alaska is 2.5 times the national average.

Interviews and a review of records turned up no evidence that Palin knew that rape victims were being charged in her town. But Croft, the former state representative who sponsored the law changing the practice, says it seems unlikely Palin was not aware of the issue.

"I find it hard to believe that for six months a small town, a police chief, would lead the fight against a statewide piece of legislation receiving unanimous support and the mayor not know about it," Croft said.

During the time Palin was mayor of Wasilla, her city was not the only one in Alaska charging rape victims. Experts testified before the Legislature that in a handful of small cities across Alaska, law enforcement agencies were charging victims or their insurance "more than sporadically."

One woman who wrote in support of the legislation says she was charged for her rape exam by a police department in the city of Juneau, which is hundreds of miles from Wasilla.

But Wasilla stood out. Tara Henry, a forensic nurse who has been treating rape victims across Alaska for the last 12 years, told CNN that opposition to Croft's bill from Wasilla Police Chief Charlie Fannon was memorable.

"Several municipal law enforcement agencies in the state did have trouble budgeting and paying for the evidence collection for sexual assault victims," Henry said. "What I recall is that the chief of police in the Wasilla police department seemed to be the most vocal about how it was going to affect their budget."

Croft has a similar memory. He said victims' advocates suggested he introduce legislation as a way to shame cities into changing their practice, and Wasilla resisted.

"I remember they had continued opposition," Croft said. "It was eight years ago now, but they were sort of unrepentant that they thought the taxpayers shouldn't have to pay for that."

He does not recall discussing the issue with then-Mayor Palin.

The bill, HB270, was before the legislature for six months. In testimony, one expert called the practice of billing the victim "incomprehensible." Others compared it to "dust[ing] for fingerprints" after a burglary, only "the victim's body is the crime scene."

During a rape exam, the victim removes her clothing and a medical professional gathers DNA evidence from her body. There is also a medical component to assess her injuries. That component has led some law enforcement agencies to balk at paying.

Henry, the forensic nurse, said charging victims "retraumatizes them."

"Asking them to pay for something law enforcement needs in order to investigate their case, it's almost like blaming them for getting sexually assaulted," she said.

The Alaska Legislature agreed. The bill passed unanimously with the support of the Alaska Department of Public Safety, the Alaska Peace Officers Association and more than two dozen co-sponsors.

After it became law, Wasilla's police chief told the local paper, The Frontiersman, that it would cost the city $5,000 to $14,000 a year -- money that he'd have to find.

"In the past, we've charged the cost of the exams to the victim's insurance company when possible," Fannon was quoted as saying. "I just don't want to see any more burden on the taxpayer."

He suggested the criminals should pay as restitution if and when they're convicted. Repeated attempts to reach Fannon for comment were unsuccessful.

Judy Patrick, who was Palin's deputy mayor and friend, blames the state.

"The bigger picture of what was going on at the time was that the state was trying to cut their own budget, and one of the things that they were doing was passing on costs to cities, and that was one of the many things that they were passing on, the cost to the city," said Patrick, who recalls enormous pressure to keep the city's budget down.

But the state was never responsible for paying the costs of local investigations. Patrick was also a member of Wasilla City Council, and she doesn't recall the issue coming before council members, nor does she remember discussing the issue with Palin.

She does recall Palin going through the budget in detail. She said Palin would review each department's budget line by line and send it back to department heads with her changes.

"Sarah is a fiscal conservative, and so she had seen that the city was heading in a direction of bigger projects, costing taxpayers more money, and she was determined to change that," Patrick said.

Before Palin came to City Hall, the Wasilla Police Department paid for rape kits out of a fund for miscellaneous costs, according to the police chief who preceded Fannon and was fired by Palin. That budget line was cut by more than half during Palin's tenure, but it did not specifically mention rape exams.

In a statement, Jill Hazelbaker, communications director for Sen. John McCain's presidential campaign, said that "to imply that Gov. Palin is or has ever been an advocate of charging victims for evidence gathering kits is an utter distortion of reality."

"As her record shows, Gov. Palin is committed to supporting victims and bringing violent criminals to justice," Hazelbaker said. "She does not, nor has she ever believed that rape victims should have to pay for an evidence gathering test."

Those who fought the policy are unconvinced.

"It's incomprehensible to me that this could be a rogue police chief and not a policy decision. It lasted too long and it was too high-profile," Croft said.

The rape kit charges have become an issue among Palin critics who say as governor she has not done enough to combat Alaska's epidemic problem of violence against women. They point to a small funding increase for domestic violence shelters at a time when Alaska has a multibillion-dollar budget surplus. Victims' advocates say that services are lacking and that Palin cut funding for a number of programs that treat female victims of violence.

In the past week, Alaska's challenges with sexual assault have been in the spotlight again -- in connection with an ongoing inquiry into whether Palin abused her power by firing the head of Alaska's Department of Public Safety. Palin's office released e-mails showing that one area of disagreement between her and Department of Public Safety Commissioner Walt Monegan was his lobbying in Washington for $30 million to fund a new program of sexual assault response teams.

The McCain-Palin campaign insists that fighting domestic violence and sexual assault are priorities for Palin. And they say she has been looking at other programs to support. As governor, Palin approved a funding increase for domestic violence shelters -- $266,200 over two years. And she reauthorized a Council on Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/09/21/palin.rape.exams/index.html

Monday, September 15, 2008

Busy Busy

I promise I will finish the birth story as soon as I get some extra energy.
Jonah is doing very well--he's weighing in around 8 lbs. and is a very good baby. He only cries when he's hungry and that is very easily remedied. I am totally in love!

Monday, August 25, 2008

They Don't Call It Labor for Nothing

The anesthesiologist still isn’t there a few minutes later and one of the nurses hits my IV with the Stadol. It was like I had just drunk four margaritas in quick succession; I could still feel the pain but I didn’t really care anymore. Just about that time the anesthesiologist finally strolls in the room. I have a nurse on either side of me trying to get me through the contractions and finish admitting me and Yale fanning me with some random laminated folders that happened to be in the room while this guy asks me questions that I could have much more easily answered had he been there earlier. Am I allergic to anything? No. What medication am I currently taking? I responded to that one by jabbing Yale in the stomach because I could not speak due to the pain he was supposed to be preventing. The doctor was very lucky that I was unable to get out of the bed, as I was not feeling too charitable to the male half of the human species at that moment and I certainly wasn’t feeling charitable to him, especially with the attitude he had. I’m sorry sir that my child decided to be born after you had already gone home for the evening and that my labor was inconvenient for you, but considering you are making an awful lot of money for this, you can kiss my ass. When he was finished asking the questions he could have found the answers to in my chart, which he was flipping through, he asked the magical question: Are you ready for your epidural?

Now remember, I had been given a rather powerful drug that relaxed me enough to feel great hatred towards the man who arrogantly was standing in front of me as if he were God. I had already had this conversation with the nurse before I was given drugs and pissed off and at that time I was undecided. I stared at the guy who was as sympathetic to my pain as I was to his having to leave his house in order for him to do his job. While I may have been in pain and this may have been the person able to relieve it, I was still Jenna and still mean and lucid enough to know the victory I was about to claim. “No thanks. I’ve gotten this far without it; I’m pretty sure I can make it the rest of the way.”

There was no going back at this point. I had gone without anything but Tylenol for most of the day and I certainly wasn’t going to voluntarily do something to myself that was going to prolong this, no matter how much less discomfort I was going to experience. Jenna was getting this shit done.

The on call doctor arrived and introduced herself to me—this is when things started going really fast. It seemed like everyone (except Dr. God) was in the room. Yale was told to grab one leg, a nurse grabbed the other, and off we went. My water was broken and the contractions began even faster. I hadn’t planned on a natural birth so my poor nurses had to talk me through it. I had so many directions being hurled my way I felt like I was some poor understudy who never planned on having to star on opening night.

Of course one pushes with each contraction—I had learned that a long time ago from watching Discovery Health. What I didn’t know was that I was going to have one rather annoying nurse standing over my left shoulder telling me to push when I wasn’t having a contraction and to breathe when I was. Had I not been so busy, I believe I would have punched her. This was the same nurse who was saying “Don’t make so much noise, you’re just going to tire yourself out.” Now, I didn’t want to make a scene and had not planned on screaming or anything. However, when one is doing something as primal as giving birth without pain killers, a little noise should be expected. I personally didn’t think I was that loud and it wasn’t like I was yelling curse words (although I could have and she just didn’t even know). Luckily, a more competent nurse told her to stop trying to direct me because I was doing just fine.

I was having trouble breathing even though I had an oxygen mask. The contractions were coming so fast I didn’t have time to catch my breath between them. I knew I should have not pushed on every contraction (everyone was telling me to slow down), but the sensation to do so is overwhelming. I can honestly say I have never been so concentrated on what my body was doing that almost everything else was blocked out—there was no reasoning with myself, no thinking about what I should do, just what I was doing. I did hear them say the baby’s heart rate was slowing down.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

8 cm

I still had three weeks left until my due date. I had been ignoring Yale's urging to pack my hospital bag and no baby clothes were clean--they were just hanging in the nursery. When we told my mom we were finally going to the hospital she came over to help. I wasn't lucid enough to pack my own things, and honestly most of what I would have packed needed washing, so she just threw a bunch of things in a bag--luckily I was able to remember a few necessities (like shampoo) and added them to the lot. I remembered reading online to take my own pillow and make sure the case was a bright color so it wouldn't get confused with hospital bedding; we had to go back inside to get it and a red pillow case.
By this time, about 8:15 or so, it had been raining for a while, a nice steady rain that wasn't letting up. I squeezed into the front seat of the Focus (the infant seat in the back crowded the front passenger seat almost into the windshield) and Yale began driving. We didn't call Yale's parents and told mine to take their time getting ready to go to the hospital because if I really was in labor it would be a long wait. I had to tell Yale a few times to slow down because I was not going to be standing on the side of the road in the rain if he had an accident.
We arrive at River Oaks at 8:38 (I remember because we were able to take the main entrance to the Baby Suites; after 9 you have to enter through a side door). We go to the second floor (luckily Yale had the presence of mind to ask the doctor where to go as I had been planning on having this discussion with my doctor at the next appointment, therefore I had no clue) and walk off the elevator. The entire floor was empty except for a woman sitting in the hall with a toddler talking on her cell phone. I guess she read the pain on my face and asked if we needed help. Yale told her we were looking for labor and delivery. She said we needed to go and press the button on the wall and that the nurses would let us in. I go and push the button.
Nothing happens. No one comes over the intercom to ask if they could help us. I push again. Again nothing. Yale is beginning to freak out. He starts to stalk down the hall in the opposite direction in search of SOMEONE. I push the button one more time and a rather impatient voice comes over and says, "Yes?" "Um....I think I'm in labor."
The door is unlocked and we walk down the corridor towards what looks like an official looking spot. "You haven't been here before have you?" Yale and I look at each other. I'm wondering why this woman is asking us if we'd been there, almost like one asks in a restaurant, when she clarifies, "You haven't preregistered have you?" "No." I manage to grunt as I am leaning against the counter holding my belly. I am told to go to a room while Yale begins the paperwork.

The room was dark and I had no idea what I was supposed to do so I just kind of stand there. A nurse finally comes in and turns on the light and leaves. Then another comes in and starts getting things going. I put on a hospital gown and she wants to do an examination. Yale is there beside me holding my hand.

“Okay, I’m going to need you to be very calm right now,” says the nurse. Great, I think, I’m probably about 2 cm out of 10 dilated and will have to sit here all night until these stupid contractions subside. “You’re 8 cm dilated.”

“WHAT?! Are you kidding?” I manage to gasp, incomplete shock.

“What’s that mean?” asks Yale.

“It means we’re having a baby. And soon,” the nurse replies as she practically runs from the room to get everyone else moving. It’s about 9 o’clock.

The only thing I could think of was that he was still 3 weeks early. That means that his lungs, which are the last to fully mature, may not be ready. Had I been like any other sane woman, and gone to the hospital that morning, I would probably been given something to stop the contractions and then been given steroids that would help his lungs mature faster. As it was I stubborn and now we were way past stopping anything.

“Are you getting an epidural?”

“Uh, I guess so. I had planned to,” I said, thinking that I had planned to when I was envisioning myself getting to the hospital with hours and hours of labor ahead of me. As it was, I didn’t know how much I had but I knew it wasn’t hours.

“Well, we’ve called the anesthesiologist and he’s on his way.”

“How far away is he?” I grunt as another contraction begins.

Ten minutes and many painful contractions later the anesthesiologist still isn’t there.

“Okay, here’s the deal. Your water hasn’t broken so the doctor will break it when she gets here. If you get an epidural you won’t feel anything but it will slow the labor down. I’m not trying to dissuade you from having pain medication but you’re up to 9 cm and that baby is coming.”

I ask if there is anything they can give me to take the edge off. They say yes, Stadol, but if I get it the baby will be really lethargic when he gets here. I decide to wait.

Friday, August 22, 2008

General Tso's Chicken

Just a piece of advice: when nine months pregnant, don't eat a meal that could cause you to mistake labor for gas pains or indigestion.
Tuesday morning began much like any day--the alarm went off for Yale at 6 o'clock and he got up to get a shower. I had had trouble sleeping the night before but this was not a new development; I hadn't slept really well all night for about 4 months. I laid there for a bit, thinking that my General Tso's Chicken from the night before hadn't settled well. I thought, like most pregnant women, great, I get to deal with having gas today on top of everything else I need to do.
I had some breakfast (which I strangely can't remember) and got back in the bed after Yale went to work because I was feeling so crappy. My mother had taken the day off because she too had had the GTC for Monday night's dinner and wasn't feeling well either. I watched some of the Olympic coverage with Deuce and Tess, all the while getting really angry about the Chinese food. I wasn't doubled over in pain but I certainly wasn't ready to go to the grocery store (which I needed to do desperately) or do laundry (which, again, really needed to be done).
I began to think that maybe I was feeling so bad because not only had I eaten that evil food, but I was also having Braxton-Hicks contractions. I had been having them off and on for a few weeks, possibly longer that I just didn't notice, with the latest bout having been on Sunday. I had felt wonderful Monday, Rachel even came by for a visit during which we watched Platinum Weddings and insulted the rich bitch bride for spending $12,000 on a custom made Amsale gown that looked like it was made from synthetic satin.
Fast forward to lunchtime. Yale is very concerned, as he had been whenever I even mentioned feeling slightly odd, and tells me to call the doctor. I really didn't want to because my symptoms were so vague: just a slight discomfort in the lower abdomen that I had already dismissed as indigestion and cramping that I had explained as very normal Braxton-Hicks contractions. I did as he asked, however, and called and left a message for the triage nurse, as my doctor/nurse combo was in surgery. She called back about an hour later, I described my symptoms and what I thought they were, and she agreed with me that it was most likely a very normal, very inane event with a woman who was 36, almost 37, weeks pregnant. I was advised to eat some lunch, take some Tylenol, relax in the tub, and call if any signs of labor developed. I had my weekly appointment with my doctor the next morning and I decided that I would just wait and go to that before freaking out and demanding to be seen that afternoon.
By late afternoon, around 4 or so, I was beginning to get irritated. I had been looking all day online for a definite way for me to tell if I was in labor or not. My back was hurting but, again, I was 36 weeks pregnant and had gained about 35 lbs. by this point--of course my back was hurting! But my abdominal cramps were getting more painful, which I attributed to my impatience at the situation and my exhaustion from having been dealing with them since the night before, and I just wanted to know what was going on. I got back in the hot bath and was trying to decide with my mother what to do. She is not a person to get birth advice from and she was as confused by my symptoms as I was. The lists online for "Labor" and "False Labor" both had symptoms I was having. I still didn't think I was in labor, although I had to admit that if I wasn't it was a pretty convincing false alarm.
My mom had made dinner for herself and my dad, and made some for Yale and I also since I had been feeling so horrible all day. She brought it over right before it started raining.
Yale got home around 6 and commenced asking very reasonable questions, which just served to annoy me. I was so convinced that this was false labor I wouldn't entertain any other options. We sat down and ate, me stopping every few minutes to deal with a cramp. After dinner I decided, at the urging of Yale and my parents, to call the doctor's office and get the on call doctor to discuss my symptoms with me. She called and I told her I didn't think I was in real labor, my water hadn't broken, and that I hadn't been timing the "contractions" because there was no rhyme or reason to them--nothing regular, nothing to time. She told me to try and start timing them for an hour and to call if there were any developments. This was about 7 pm. We tried to use an online contraction timer for a while but it kept messing up--it was saying that my contractions were about 2 to 3 minutes apart, which couldn't be possible (at least I thought so). I finally looked at Yale around 8 and said "If this isn't real labor than it's a really mean joke. Let's go to the hospital so that they can either stop this or can go ahead and get real labor moving." Yale called the on call doctor and told her the new developments and she agreed that we should go to the hospital, if for nothing else than to be reassured that nothing was really happening.

A Model in the Making

Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Early Bird Catches the Worm

Jonah Yale Murphy
Born: August 19th, 2008
Weighed: 6 lbs. 5 oz.
Length: 19.5 in.

Will post more when I get some sleep!!!

Friday, August 15, 2008

I Blame Shelby

Shelby sent me a link to an awesomely funny blog called Cake Wrecks (http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/) about cakes baked by professionals that aren't exactly what the person ordered. There are also some really disturbing cakes that may be exactly what was ordered (see the baby shower cakes).
Now I want cake ALL THE TIME. I know that most of those cakes shown probably taste like shit, but I also realize that in the Big Mac commercials the burger will never look/taste as good as they claim and that doesn't make me stop wanting one.

Monday, August 11, 2008

I ♥ (burn) You

I am currently taking two extra strength Pepcids a day and using Tums as necessary.
This big ol' baby boy is pushing all my organs to funny places in my abdomen and my stomach I am pretty sure is somewhere near my right boobie. Needless to say, this doesn't make the stomach happy, therefore it takes out it's displeasure on me by producing so much acid reflux I feel like I could breathe fire at just about any time of day or night.
Anyone have any remedies out there that is safe for the baby? While I am partial to ice cream, I have a feeling my doctor wouldn't agree.

Friday, August 8, 2008

It's the Final Countdown!

As requested:
I am currently 35 weeks pregnant (nine months). Full term is 37 weeks, meaning the baby is ready for the outside world. A due date is scheduled for 40 weeks--that's technically full gestation.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

For all baby shower attendees

Hudson's in Ridgeland has TONS of super nice baby stuff for half off (at least they did Sat.).
Also, if anyone is wanting to get rid of baby stuff, we are happy for hand-me-downs.

A sign of the apocolypse

COLUMBUS, Ohio (AP) -- A death row inmate scheduled for execution says he's too fat to be put to death, claiming executioners would have trouble finding his veins and that his weight could diminish the effectiveness of one of the lethal injection drugs.

Death row inmate Richard Cooey says executioners would have trouble finding his veins to lethally inject him.

Death row inmate Richard Cooey says executioners would have trouble finding his veins to lethally inject him.

Lawyers for Richard Cooey argue in a federal lawsuit that Cooey -- 5-feet-7 and 267 pounds -- had poor veins when he faced execution five years ago and the problem has been worsened by weight gain.

The lawsuit, filed Friday in federal court, also says prison officials have had difficulty drawing blood from Cooey for medical procedures.

Cooey, 41, is sentenced to die for raping and murdering two young women in 1986. His execution is scheduled for October 14.

His attorneys say a drug he is taking for migraine headaches could affect the execution process. The drug Topamax, a type of seizure medication, may have created a resistance to thiopental, the drug used to put inmates to sleep before two other lethal drugs are administered, Dr. Mark Heath, a physician hired by the Ohio Public Defender's Office, said in documents filed with the court.

Heath says Cooey's weight, combined with the potential drug resistance, increases the risk he would not be properly anesthetized.

"All of the experts agree if the first drug doesn't work, the execution is going to be excruciating," Cooey's public defender, Kelly Culshaw Schneider, said Monday.

Prison system spokeswoman Andrea Carson and Jim Gravelle, a spokesman for the Ohio Attorney General's Office, both said Monday they hadn't seen the lawsuit and couldn't comment.

Last year, Carson cited the obesity of condemned inmate Christopher Newton as one of the reasons prison officials had difficulty accessing his veins before his execution. Newton was 6 feet tall and weighed 265 pounds.

Two years ago, convicted killer Jeffrey Lundgren was put to death after a federal appeals court rejected his claim that he was at greater risk of experiencing pain and suffering because he was overweight and diabetic.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Everyday

There are so many new forms of birth control out there, and so many advertisements, that I am sick of listening to it all.

YAZ--A new form of BC that takes care of the symptoms that are caused by PMS
Seasonale--A new form of birth control that allows you to have a period only once every three months
Mirena--A new form of birth control that prevents pregnancy for up to five years
NuvaRing--A form of birth control for idiots

Okay, so that last one isn't an accurate description, but come on! I am really offended by some of the tactics the marketing people use to try and convince women that they are too stupid/crazy to take a regular birth control pill or use any other form of BC than hormonal methods.
Everyone remembers the YAZ commercials with the women discussing their periods in a nightclub? While it no longer runs, I (and every other person I know, including my OB-GYN) HATED that ad. Number one, very rarely does a group of female friends discuss their menstrual symptoms unless something weird is going on, and then they may decide to keep those problems between themselves and their doctors. Number two, who goes out and then decides that the topic of conversation is going to be how miserable they feel? Honestly, if that was the game plan for the evening, everyone would have been much happier staying at home in pjs with ice cream and a screening of Dirty Dancing. While that particular commercial is no longer making the rounds of daytime TV, a slightly more annoying one that is all high energy and bright colors is. Ad execs, you are marketing a birth control pill to grown women, not the newest knock off Barbie that looks like it should be working a street corner rather than taking up residence in a little girl's toy box.
Seasonale is not new. Taking a regular BC pill continuously in order to avoid Aunt Flo has been well known and documented for years. I myself have even practiced this with a "regular" pill in the past. However, I have heard of some pretty bad side effects from the Seasonale version, including a continuous period for the first cycle of the pills (that's three whole months in case you weren't doing the math) and an unplanned pregnancy that wasn't discovered until three months after conception; three months which included some pretty dubious behavior on the mommy-to-be's part and a hazy recollection of who exactly was the proud papa. Why this kind of continuous usage has these side effects and just using a normal BC pill in the same way doesn't (at least in my own experience) I have no idea.
The IUD (or intrauterine device) is the most commonly used form of BC in Europe. It used to be widespread in the US until the '70s when one type ended up poisoning some women and killing them. Apparently, it's been long enough to begin re-marketing the product under the name Mirena. It also has a really annoying commercial with a bunch of gingers and while I applaud the fact that it does disclose some of the more unsavory possible side effects, it doesn't even bother telling potential consumers one important thing: lots of doctors don't insert them. It is considered one of the most effective forms of BC, mainly because it doesn't rely on the lazy/moronic consumer to do anything other than visit their dr., but not having access to it does seem to make the use a little more difficult--at least in my humble opinion.
The NuvaRing is really just like pill, only it only needs to be remembered once a week instead of once a day. This is the main commercial that irritates me. I, of all people, know that remembering to take a pill everyday at exactly the same time can be difficult what with the stress involved in everyday life. But that's not the point of the commercial. It talks about how hard it is to take something everyday. It's not hard--just pop the thing and take it (hell, pill heads always seem to remember). Insinuating that it's difficult to take the normal pill, therefore you need to have this thing you only remember once a week, is implying that your market is either stupid ("So you mean I put this in my mouth and swallow it, every day? Wow!") or so lazy that your marketing is a waste of time because they will probably not use the ring anyway.
I haven't decided what kind of BC I will be using after baby, but I am certainly getting all kinds of info thrown at me. Maybe I'll just do what the girls at East Rankin were told--hold an aspirin between my knees and make sure it doesn't fall out. ;-)

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Runway Moms

This show is about a modeling company in New York that specializes in booking pregnant models or their babies. I normally don't watch it because these women are so much better looking pregnant than I am. Tall woman just look better--they have more room to spread out.
Anyway, today's episode involved the particular woman they were profiling getting a 3D ultrasound. Her baby was not as cute as Jonah (and I'm not just saying that because I'm his mom--this other kid had a long ugly nose).
Makes me glad to know that even if I'm not an "Expecting Model" I'm still having a better baby that this bitch. Ha ha!!

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

The Dangers of Modern Living

Well, we have to replace our Air Conditioning. I know I shouldn't be upset about this as the unit we had was older than both Yale and I, but I still feel a bit cheated since we've only been able to take advantage of it for 2 years. We decided to replace both the heat and A/C so that we'll know (hopefully) that both will work when needed. It's going to cost a butt load, but at least now our future is a little more certain as I am certainly not going to pay that much for something that will be left behind if we move. That means we will be staying in this house for AT LEAST five more years (unless something drastic happens) and I am by no means unhappy about that. I like having things this planned out--it makes me feel more secure.
I almost ended up having the baby today. I was driving home from running some errands and was almost hit head on by some old woman. I had pulled into a center turn lane, with blinker going, and had slowed down due to oncoming traffic in the left lane. The old lady was at a stop sign, trying to pull out into traffic into the left lane. Apparently, she needed not only the lane she was trying to pull into, but also my turn lane and possibly the far right lane that was traveling in the opposite direction. I saw her coming and laid on my horn; she stopped, literally, six inches from my front driver's side bumper. Had she hit the air bag would have deployed and I would have most likely gone into premature labor. I am very blessed that someone out there is looking out for me and Jonah.
On a brighter note, I found a cute dress from target that I am thinking of wearing with leggings for the baby shower. I have passed the point where I can wear a short dress without some kind of leg covering--it's just better for everyone that way.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

I hate it hot

Our AC is broken. Sadly, I'm not kidding.
The highs this week are over 100 degrees.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Some Like It Hot

It is so f-ing hot here.
Right now it is 101 degrees with a humidity of 23% (according to The Weather Channel--I think the humidity is higher).
I will never have a child due in the fall again.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

The Dreaded Baby Registry

The baby registry is a new invention perpetrated by big box stores to try and get everyone to buy the same things for their child. Most of the stuff they "recommend" (i.e. force you to put on your registry and manually take off online at home if you don't want it) is really stuff you don't need. It feeds on the insecurity that all new moms have when it comes to worrying that if the slightest thing is done wrong the child will be forever screwed up. I, too, have become the victim of this philosophy.
I have a baby registry at Babies R Us (a store that I love and loathe all at the same time) and Pottery Barn Kids (everyone reading this should know of my obsession with anything Pottery Barn--yes I know it isn't healthy). I'm pretty sure I have a couple of other floating around out there that I made while in classes, but they aren't really the ones that have anything good on them. The two I previously mentioned seem complete and fabulous--like I know exactly what I'm doing.
I don't. I have no idea if I will need anything that is on these two lists. I have so much stuff on them that if I get everything the baby will need his own house (I don't expect to get everything, just FYI). I have spent HOURS reading reviews of stroller brands and particular stroller models. Sadly, I was almost on board with the "Well, if it's expensive, it must be good" way of thinking because of all the contradictory information. I have been very lucky to get a slightly used Graco car seat or I know I would have spent even more time researching that. I just don't have anymore energy to look at the high chair reviews. I have no clue. Some seem to be good for smaller babies, some for larger babies, and as Jonah is currently weighing in at around 4 lbs. and average is 3.3 lbs., I get the feeling we're having one of the latter (he's estimated to be around 8 lbs. at birth--yay for me). I did find a stroller I like, that wasn't $300, had tons of good reviews, and actually has a dinosaur print on it. Plus, it's a Graco and thus compatible with our carseat. I ordered it from Wal-Mart and hopefully it will live up to expectations when it comes in.
Another thing that had irritated me with the registries is that the stuff I put on it originally goes out of stock so quickly or isn't available online and in stores. I have a jogging stroller on the Babies R Us registry that now is only available in stores--if it happens to be in stock there. I also found a lightweight stroller that I really like, plus a portion of the proceeds goes to pediatric AIDS research, but I can't put it on the registry and it's only available online.
As you can tell, I'm obsessing right now. I have way too much time on my hands and nothing to do (or nothing I am able to do at 7 1/2-almost 8-months pregnant). If anyone would like to see the random stuff I've put on the registries, go to either of the two stores' websites and take a look-see. Plus, any moms reading this, I would love to know what I should or should not put on the registry. Anything that has wasted your time and space will certainly waste mine!

Thursday, July 10, 2008

I'm Ready for my Closeup

I got an ultrasound in 3-D yesterday so we can see what Jonah is going to look like. He's a cutie, if I do say so myself.
I can't get them to load here, but if you want to see them I have them saved and can e-mail them to you. Just let me know!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Stop yelling at me!

I have been watching a lot of TV this summer and have seen some scary/strange commercials

1.) The black bearded man that sells everything from OxyClean and the Awesome Auger to health insurance. Something odd? WHY DOES HE ALWAYS YELL? No matter if he's hocking the Hercules Hook or Super Putty, he always yells at me. Perhaps I would buy your product sir if I didn't feel like you were some modern kind of circus barker trying to get me to see the bearded lady.
2.) There was an ad for the newest Nora Roberts book that could have been confused for a Hallmark commercial. Now I like a good Nora Roberts as much as the next woman, but a book that primarily deals with "romance" (i.e. sex) doesn't seem like one I would buy for all of my nearest and dearest. Maybe that's just me...
3.) On any commercial for a pet product, I'm pretty sure that the animals are drugged. On one Pet Meds commercial, this little Beagle looks like he's about to keel over. He's panting and staring blankly into space. Now maybe he just went to his happy place, which I may have done if the creepy guy playing the vet had his hands on me, but it was rather disturbing. Also, there is one for a nail file that is supposed to be less traumatizing. Now I would buy this if I actually thought my dogs would sit still like the nice Collie in the commercial, but I have a feeling Deucie would do exactly what he does now, sit on his paws and lick my hands to keep me from trimming his long long nails.
4.) They still have the "I've fallen and I can't get up" commercial. I'm not kidding. They also have interviews from people who I'm pretty sure have passed away since filming happened. Cheap bastards, waiting until people are dead so they don't have to pay residuals.
5.) The Sonic Knife is apparently designed for people who are retarded. If you press all of your weight on your sandwich while trying to cut it with a butter knife, you're going to end up with a smushed sandwich--duh! Also, who really needs to cut a steel pipe with a knife? Just a question.

Other honorable mentions: the ShamWow!, Green Bags, Listen Up!, and My Lil' Reminder

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Now I know why people hire surrogates

The last couple of weeks has not been that great. I've really started feeling the heaviness of the baby and it's really exhausting. I'll wake up in the morning feeling fine, but by lunch time I'm beat. I am really sick of not being able to do anything without feeling like I've been run over by a truck. Saturday I stayed in bed, literally, all day. While I'm trying to get the house ready for the baby (and for me to manage after the baby) I really can't do anything without having to rest, so it's taking double the time. On top of all that, whenever I lay down somewhere I can't get comfortable. I feel like one of those obese people they have to cut out of their houses because the only place I really like to be is in bed, but that just makes me feel disgusting.
I'm also pretty much not having any luck in the eating department. I'm a pretty strange eater anyway (I could find one food and eat it at every meal for weeks) but it's gotten even worse. I don't know if it's just because he's getting bigger, but I can't eat much at a meal and I honestly can't find anything I really want to eat, except, of course, things I can't have. I am very sad that I can't eat the feta cheese sauce at Keifer's--I actually asked the Dr. and she said that while she was pregnant she asked to see the container they got it from but it was all in Greek so she couldn't tell if it was pasteurized. Things I want to eat: sushi, a BLT wrap from Keifer's with the feta sauce, and a huge roast beef sandwich. Boo on pasteurization.
On a brighter note, Jonah is moving constantly, which is pretty funny. I was making fun of Yale about something the other day and Jonah kicked me REALLY HARD in the ribs. He was defending his daddy, apparently. It's not so cool when he starts kicking my bladder, as it seems that I am in the bathroom all the time anyway, but if I shift positions it throws him off a bit and he has to figure out how he's been turned.
We got tomorrow for another sonogram--this one we should get measurements and stuff to see how developed he is (and see how close he should come to his due date). Wish us luck!

Monday, June 30, 2008

Mirror Mirror On the Wall...

Waiting for the train to New Orleans this past weekend. A picture that shows what I see when I look in the mirror. :-)

Monday, June 23, 2008

Ugh

Not feeling well today. Really tired and vaguely nauseous. Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays.
I almost set the house on fire this morning because the heating element in our stove needs replacing and I didn't know it until I saw about a 1-inch flame in the bottom of the oven. It can be replaced, luckily, because Yale and I have very little luck with appliance purchases, plus we aren't exactly in the market to spend the amount needed to replace a stove as we do have the little one coming soon.
My parents' neighbor is convinced Jonah is going to be a girl. Since there is a pretty clear penis on the ultrasound, I'm betting he's wrong.
We're going to New Orleans this weekend for a friend's wedding and we're taking the train down. It ended up being just about the same price as if we drove and we don't actually have to do any thinking, just ride. I'm really excited--hopefully I'll be feeling better and it won't be TOO hot, although I am counting on the lovely people of New Orleans to take pity on the little mama and offer her some iced tea.
I'm obsessed with buying a new house although I don't know why. Our house is wonderful and I love it. I just have so much crap that I for some reason have deemed necessities and it's full full full. I wish someone would come in and just throw shit away without my knowing and get rid of stuff. I have pairs of shoes that I haven't worn in years, yet I can't bring myself to part with them. The same with purses. Anyone want to come and going shopping in my closet? I promise the prices will be cheap (in fact, Yale may pay you to take some of it). I think I'm just restless. I can't do a lot of stuff (i.e. cleaning out closets) but I know they need to be done and I feel like I'm just sitting my lazy ass around the house doing nothing. It's frustrating and at the same time I don't want to get started on a project that can't be finished before Jonah gets here.
Maybe New Orleans will be the perfect thing to distract me from this crazy idea I've gotten in my head. Here's hoping!

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

The Last Trimester: The Final Frontier

I have officially hit the third and final trimester--I now see my doctor every other week. These visits mostly consist of, "So, how are you feeling?" "Great!" "Great!" although at my last appointment my iron was really low, so I've started on iron pills which just really makes your stomach hate you. I'm researching high iron foods so that I might be able to start cutting out some doses of the pills just to make my digestive system happy again.
It's also gotten VERY awkward to move. I've gained about 25-30 lbs. so that is strange to begin with--carrying around that much extra weight. But the really strange part is that it's mostly out in front and while one can bend at the waist, it's not very efficient/comfortable, so the pregnancy squat (isn't that a lovely word?) commences.
I went to the Beau Rivage with my mom and got THE best pedicure I've ever had. I'm not a fan of other people doing anything to my feet, but I must say that I would willingly pay just about any price to be able to get one of those every other week. I also got a prenatal massage, but I must say I liked the pedicure better.
While on the coast we also went to outlet malls and bought Jonah way too many new clothes. He's going to be a very well dressed little boy. It killed me to see the little onesies sized "Premie." They were tiny--they could have fit on a toy chihuahua. The only thing I kept thinking was, "Stay in there Jonah, stay in there." I'm pretty sure he got it because he's been kicking non-stop.
I've had multiple people (including myself) tell me they've had dreams that he will come in August, not September. I really hope not. August is such a bad month, school wise, for kids, especially boys. They're either the oldest in their class or the youngest. The oldest get into more trouble and the youngest are usually always a little behind, maturity wise. I want a nice, full-term, September baby, let's hope nature cooperates.
Jonah is quite the little traveler before he's even born! We went to Birmingham for a wedding, I went to the coast with my mom, we're going to New Orleans for another wedding (don't worry, I got a different dress than the one I ended up hating from Birmingham), and we might make it to another wedding on the coast in July--I don't know about the travel restrictions I'll be under yet. I know I officially can't fly anymore without doctor's permission.
Warning: rant about to happen. The dress I ended up hating from the Birmingham wedding was actually a replacement dress. I had the prettiest black dress that I bought for almost nothing that was a Mimi Maternity--not a cheap line of clothes. However, as I got nearer and nearer the wedding and tried the damn thing on, it no longer fit--and not the belly or ass as one my think. Nope, it wouldn't zip over my boobs. MY boobs. I've never thought myself that well endowed and I still see people all the time that are bigger than I am currently (I refer to them as melon boobs) so how does the maternity line not fit in the chest but still fit everywhere else? I can't size up because the top is then too big, but this is precisely what I had to do for the replacement dress for the B-ham wedding. It was too big and I was very self-conscious, which wasn't helped by the fact that apparently no one has ever seen a pregnant woman before because everyone now stares at me. There, that's my rant. Maternity clothes should fit right, especially when you don't feel that little and cute anymore. I did find a much better dress at Target in the Liz Lang maternity line so I'm pleased to report I won't look like the retarded cousin that only gets let out for special occasions.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Posh Spice


Is that Victoria Beckham? No, but it is me doing my best to convince myself I am not quite the size of an 18-Wheeler. Yale says I'm sneering.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Things a Pregnant Woman Should Never Do

1) Buy a bathing suit. Somehow the heat has boiled my brain and made me think that getting a bathing suit was a smashing idea. I ordered from Old Navy and will be sending it back.

2) Go to the mall. Today I went to buy makeup and ended up waddling behind some 5'10", blond, tan, 17 year old whose legs would go to my neck if they belonged to me. She had on a pair of shorts that had an inseam of, at the longest, 2". Bitch.

3) Wear sack dresses. They don't emphasize the pregnancy, they just make you look fat. Not cool, not cool at all.

Friday, May 16, 2008

Damn Nature, You Scary!!

Today I take my last exam!!! Woowho!!!!!!
I also found a Mimi Maternity dress for the wedding at Hudson's (yes, Hudson's) for only $30.00, originally $148.00. Pretty cool.
The only thing is, I've started that whole "what the hell is going on with my body" part of the pregnancy.
Jonah is very active, which is really cool. I thought it would be creepy, but it's actually quite reassuring--especially since you spend the first trimester kind of wondering what the hell is happening in there.
The problem comes in that I am a very independent person and I've had to start asking for help doing things. It's hard to bend at the waist (after all, there is a little person in there--a baby, not a midget) and all my internal organs are being crowded. Breathing is becoming a bit more difficult and it seems like my heart is racing all the time (don't worry though, apparently none of this is outside the realm of normal). I can't really get comfortable to sleep (although I blame some of that on the 50 lb. brown dog who doesn't seem to understand that I can sleep without his protection) and when I do sleep it seems like I have acid reflux ALL THE TIME.
I know I really shouldn't be complaining because, all in all, I've had a very normal pregnancy, thank God. But it is really strange to suddenly have your body doing all these things for which you are really just the spectator. It's not like I have to go, "Okay, I think today we'll grow the liver," it just happens--which is pretty awesome because I'm terribly afraid that if I was running this whole show I would forget something important, like eyebrows, and then my child would look funny for the rest of his life. The fact that NOTHING that is happening is within my powers of control makes this control-freak pretty mental.
I've never been one of those "Miracle of Life" people (in fact I've always thought those people got into some bad--or really good--granola) but I do finally understand what those loonies have meant. It is pretty amazing that the human body just knows what to do. It forms all the necessary parts without even thinking about it (something that we humans still can't do--this comment is pointed to the people who constructed our refrigerator that still isn't cooling correctly even though it's not over a year old and it's been worked on twice--ERGH). I just waddle along, eating my Egg McMuffins (which Jonah seems to LOVE, btw) while everything (hopefully) just falls into place. Oh yeah, plus all those annoying symptoms that seem to be nature's little way of saying "Hey, a little respect! I'm really working hard here while you watch true crime shows and eat Ice Pops!"

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Mission: Impossible

Jonah's room is being done in dinosaurs. (Yes, I realize this a complete 180 from what I had originally planned, but Yale was right: I can never go with my first decision). Specifically, the Jurassic collection from Pottery Barn Kids (I'm a little obsessed).


Jonah's room is being done in dinosaurs. (Yes, I realize this a complete 180 from what I had originally planned, but Yale was right: I can never go with my first decision). Specifically, the Jurassic collection from Pottery Barn Kids (I'm a little obsessed).

It's been sold out online for a while, but Ebay is awesome and I've gotten pretty much everything I need from there: Crib bedding, bedding to go on the twin bed I'm putting in the baby room (Mama's gonna need some rest in between feedings). Things I am currently looking for (and they don't HAVE to come from Pottery Barn):

A dinosaur mobile
Dinosaur plush toys
A dinosaur laundry hamper (either a liner or one of those canvas collapsibles)


Plus I'm pretty much looking for anything that any Pottery Barn Kids store still has in this collection (Minus the bedding, of course).


Here is your mission, should you choose to accept it:
Help one crazy mama who still has two exams left scour the Pottery Barn Kids stores looking for my spoiled first son's nursery accessories.
This is probably an impossibility since it's kind of an old line (it's only got one thing online left for babies and very little left for big kids--yes, I bought them all!) but I would really be indebted to anyone who could track me something down.

Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Extreme Sadness

I just packed up a bunch of clothes that I will not be able to wear this summer. Lots of really cute clothes. Clothes that I am afraid I will never be able to wear again.
Some still had the tags on them. Damn pre-baby winter sales.
I did this very depressing task in lieu of studying for my BA exam. What does that tell you about how horrible BA is?

Saturday, May 3, 2008

The Mummy Tuck

While putting off working on my essay for Native American Law, I can across this article on The Daily Mail's website about the phenomenon called "The Mummy Tuck."

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/health/healthmain.html?in_article_id=563799&in_page_id=1774

I LOVE the British newspaper because it is unflinchingly biased in its stories and it insults the WAGs, even though I really wish I could be one. The point is though, is that now I am terrified about what I will look like post-Jonah.
I have never had the best body image which I am pretty sure relates directly to my mental health issues (you all know about the body I have buried in my backyard, right?). I lost lots of weight my Junior year of high school through rather unhealthy means, lost even more my Freshman year of college through even more unhealthy means, then began to gain it back after finally realizing that I wasn't helping anyone with my behavior, certainly not myself. Unfortunately, I gained more than I would have liked to (hell, I would have liked to stay the size I was Freshman year--damn I was little) and before I found out I was pregnant, I had gotten to my heaviest weight ever. I had decided to start an exercise regimen/diet the day before the test said "Pregnant." So the point of this is that I was the heaviest I had ever been before I began gaining even more weight by being pregnant. I've only gained 15-17 lbs. so far (God knows how), but the fact that I know that precisely makes me know that this isn't healthy thinking.
Now this article has me freaking out even more. The first woman nursed, which I had been planning on doing, and she went to a "deflated" size A afterwards. I don't want Sarah Jessica Parker boobs! I've gotten a couple of stretch marks on my baby belly (which are actually due more to hormones than weight gain, I have found out) and even though they are small and I've never really been the midriff bearing type, I'm still very self-conscious and can envision myself with elephant skin akin to those gastric bypass patients in their "after" pictures or perhaps a deflated inner tube.
The rational part of me says, who cares, you'll be a mom and almost all moms have similar worries or problems. But honestly, I already have a big ass--I don't want a nasty tummy with floppy boobs to match. How do these stars do it? Heidi Klum has three kids and looks better than any normal person I've ever met. Nicole Richie looks wonderful only a few months postpartum. Hell, I met my friend Amelia when she had a six month old and she looked amazing then!!
I know why women get postpartum depression--it's not a chemical imbalance. It's because they look like a 90-year-old woman and they have to deal with every other mom looking like a million bucks! I know plastic surgery would fix it, and while I'm not at all opposed to it, I would still feel really selfish and awful for having it after I have kids (Has anyone else seen the Secret Lives of Women: I'm addicted to plastic surgery with that stupid woman who'd had $40,000 of post-baby plastic surgery and still looked pretty terrible? No? I'm the only one that pathetic?).
Any thoughts? What does everyone else feel about the mummy tuck article? Am I just being crazy or do I have some valid fears?

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Don't look at me! Look at the Bride!

I have a wedding to go to in June for one of Yale's best friends. Yale is actually in the wedding. I am obsessing over what I'm going to wear.
It is very difficult to find a maternity dress to wear that doesn't look like a mu-mu (not that I have anything against mu-mus). I actually bought two really beautiful dresses from Ann Taylor last fall when I found out about the wedding (because they were on sale and I love the way Ann Taylor makes their dress). I even bought matching shoes! This, of course, was before I was pregnant, and now all I can do is look at them and dream of the day I will fit back in them (much like all of my clothes at this point).
So now I am on the hunt for something to wear. While I do love most of the maternity clothes I've bought (Old Navy for shirts, Gap for pants/dresses) I haven't found anything that is dressy enough for a wedding--apparently we pregnant ladies aren't supposed to go anywhere that requires something more than a jersey skirt and a tank top.
I've found a dress at J.Crew that I really want to fit but I have an idea doesn't. I really haven't change sizes too much, but with the bigger boobs comes the need for bigger tops (this is why you don't get implants, ladies) and the bigger tummy presents some obvious problems. I'm not really too big right now (it mostly looks like I've drank a whole keg or possibly gave birth a few months ago and haven't gotten my ass up to exercise) but by June, who knows!

Here is the dress. I feel like it MIGHT fit, but then I don't want to spend that much money on a dress that only has the potential to fit. Does anyone know where I can get a dress that doesn't look horrible and I will still be able to wear later if it's expensive?
P.S.--Don't Google "maternity clothes" because you will get some SCARY results, trust me. Although "maternity wedding dresses" is pretty funny.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

My Bump, My Bump, My Lovely Baby Bump

Shelby has demanded pictures of the baby bump but we don't have any. So I was going to post pictures of Vicky B., my idol, when she was pregnant, however I have found a VERY strange phenomenon.
This is the only picture I could find on the internet of Mrs. Beckham pregnant:


It's from her first pregnancy with son Brooklyn, nine years ago. NINE!! One of the most photographed women in the world who has spent at least 27 months of her life pregnant, has only one picture of her in this state that has been widely distributed.
I realize that it's only been in recent years that the celebrity baby craze has exploded, but she does have Cruz, who's three--how is it that there are no other pictures of her with child?! This one dates from the first incarnation of the Spice Girls. I just can't figure this out.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Veggie Tales

Since I've been pregnant, I've wanted tons of veggies!
My favorite thing to eat is baby carrots dipped in ranch dressing. I'm also partial to string beans, butter beans, salad, and just about any kind of vegetable you throw at me (yes, I'll eat those too). My new favorite meal is the avocado pizza from the Mellow Mushroom. I know, it sounds nasty, and I am admitting that it probably is for the normal person, but I am in love! I also like the veggie pizzas from Pizza Shack and veggie subs from Subway. I'm telling you, anything that is fresh I want. I've also been big on fruits, but that is nothing new to anyone who knows me. Strawberries, peaches, apples, bananas, yummy!!!!!
Sadly, another thing I've been wanting is Fun Pops, those Popsicles that you buy by the gross from the supermarket that are liquid then you freeze them. I ate four yesterday. So the way I see it, Jonah's getting a pretty well rounded diet right now.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

A Tough Row to Hoe

That's the phrase right? I don't really know what it means; is your garden really weedy or do you have bad dirt?
Anyway, I'm referring to this whole pregnancy thing--not for the faint of heart my friend.
I've had a pretty rough time of it. I really envy those women who feel fantastic for a whole nine months, eat anything they want, then have a baby at the end (although I really hope their epidurals wore off during the pushing phase and that their baby is ugly). I am not one of those women.
For the first trimester I was nauseous every evening beginning around 3:00. And I'm not talking, oh, just a little sick. You know that feeling when you're hungover and you've thrown up everything you could possibly imagine you've ever eaten and you're still throwing up? Yeah, that was me. And not only was this lovely experience something I got to do every night, it also happened in the morning if I didn't eat soon enough or if I ever went too long without eating. Basically I was slave to food, something I have issues with anyway, and at a certain point Yale was even wondering if I was throwing up so I wouldn't gain any weight. I could only eat meat in very small doses and that was limited to chicken. Nothing tasted good to me (except, strangely, cheese sandwiches) and I was very worried that the baby was going to die because I wasn't eating enough. My school schedule didn't fit into this at all: I had an 8 o'clock class every Tuesday and Thursday, a night class on Wednesdays, and a class on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons that was held in a classroom that tended to hold organizational meetings in it that served food (the smell of which lingered all through my class and, of course, made me feel sick). I also couldn't get any medication to help with this until about 8 weeks into my pregnancy because I switched doctors and she couldn't prescribe me anything having never treated me (although, honestly, if I were just a pill head I certainly wouldn't be requesting nausea medication). I couldn't get any other doctor to give me anything either.
The headaches too were, and still are, an issue. If you've known me for any length of time, you know I get migraine headaches. In the recent years they've gotten much, much better but pregnancy has a way of f-ing things up. Whenever the weather changes, or even considers changing, I've gotten HORRIBLE migraines. I can't even sleep they are so bad; I just lay there in a dark room vaguely wishing for death. Since I'm pregnant I can't take anything that I normally would so I'm stuck with Tylenol 3s, which anyone who has migraines knows barely dulls the pain.
Then there is the sleep issues. For the first 3 months it's almost like I was on autopilot. I floated around all day in a fog until I could go back to sleep. I would literally sleep about 14-16 hours a day (I'm serious; ask Yale). It was all I could do to skim readings for school--hell, it was all I could do to wake up and go to class! I barely left the house because I was using all my spare time sleeping. I realized the other day I hadn't been to the mall in four months. This may seem shallow, but it really shows how little I was doing. I would make plans and cancel them due to feeling like complete shit. Now, I'm still suffering from a bit of fatigue during the day but it's for an entirely different reason: insomnia. Just about every night I wake up from around 1-3 or 4. I would literally lie in bed for hours trying to go back to sleep. Now I just get up and try to do something productive, like laundry or studying for finals. As an example, right now I've been studying Insurance Law for about three hours and have started blogging. It could be from stress (finals are so much fun!) but I've read that it could just be from hormone spikes at this point in pregnancy. Who knows, I just know it makes for a damn inconvenient day.
Let's not forget about the stomach issues. You know that commercial for Pepto Bismol (which I can't take, by the way) that lists all the symptoms it cures? I could be on it because I have all of them, plus some. I have no clue why pregnancy causes such a terrible time for the digestive system, but it sure does suck.
And finally on My Big List O' Pregnancy Complaints, I feel like I've had very little support throughout all of this. Through the first trimester I could barely come up with a cohesive thought let alone ask for help, but now that I can I feel like much of it has been denied. Some people have been dismissive of my complaints (MOTHER!!) and some have just been downright unsympathetic. I realize it's difficult to relate if you've never been pregnant or had an easy pregnancy, but sometimes a girl just needs a blank sounding board for bitching, ya know? A couple of "Uh huhs" and "Oh, that must suck" would have been sufficient at times when I got responses that were downright hostile. It almost seems like my whole support system (with a few exceptions) crumbled at a time I needed it most.
I might be reading into things a little too much (after all the hormones are going wild) but I have felt a sense of judgment from people--for what I don't know. After all, I'm pregnant with my husband's child; what's wrong with that?
I guess society doesn't really see pregnancy as anything special anymore. After all, one hears of actress working while seven months pregnant and very successful businesswomen can't really afford to take time for themselves. But it really is a time of enormous change, both physical and mental, and I guess people just don't know that until they've experienced it. Now don't get me wrong, I haven't suddenly turned into one of those weirdos who think that anyone who has never had a child is missing out (Hello! Unplanned pregnancy here! Bitching about how horrible I've felt!) but I do think there is a certain, not jealousy, but uncertainty about the pregnant woman. You can't really treat her the way you've always treated her (whether you like it or not she's changed forever) but she's also still the person you've always known (did anyone read the previous post where I commented on vibrators and dildos?).
I suppose I'm just asking for a little sympathy, a little slack, and a little respect for everything I've been going through. I know, you're thinking, Cry Me A River, but--I wouldn't wish the way I've felt these past few months on my enemies (with perhaps a few exceptions, hee hee) so don't make me wish it upon my friends.

Friday, April 18, 2008

A Whale of a Tale

I am so excited about the name Jonah that I almost forgot that it's a biblical name (thanks Jana R. for reminding me). I don't automatically associate it with the religious story, but if it helps little Jonah later get the lead part in the Christmas/random holiday pageant, bully for us.
I have noticed on some pregnancy message boards that some people resent gifts that are closely identified with the story their child's name comes from (i.e. Noah's Ark, Daniel in the Lion Den, etc.). I don't really see what the problem is. If you name your child Noah, you've got to know that people, no matter their religious background, are going to think of the ark story. Just like if you name your daughter Jezebel are people going to automatically think "Whore" (sorry to anyone who likes that name). While I don't think little Jezzie is going to get a bunch of dildos or vibrators at the baby shower (although....) what harm is it to acknowledge where you got a name from?
This is especially true with little boys' names, simply because there are less male names than female and it's quite the rage right now to give your daughter a name that could fit your son. People are going back to older names from the Bible in order to keep from having to say "Yes, that's my son and his name is Taylor/Cameron/Jaden." I've also noticed people who are ahead of the curve on naming trends and have 2-3 year olds with name Caden/Kaden/etc. who are being copied like mad now. I wouldn't blame those people if they went with Jeremiah or even good ol' Adam just to have an individual name for their child.
Anyway, the point of this post is to say that if anyone gets baby Jonah a whale or something, Mama won't be offended. It's natural to make an association with a story that is integral to Western culture. Just like when we have little Jesus I expect everyone to bring gold, frankincense, and murr (just kidding--only the gold is necessary).
:-)

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Little Boy Blue

We're having a BOY!!!! I thought that from the beginning and then my mind started to play tricks on me--nasty little thing, that is. We went in for the sonogram and everything looks great! Kidneys are functioning, heart has four chambers, good spine, brain looks normal--and we can't forget the penis! The baby has it's face towards my back, I guess he was taking a little nap, and the technician had to work to get a good pic of the boy parts, but there it was. He's gestationally a day short of the due date (which is officially Sept. 12, I was wrong originally) so that means I may have a Sept. 11th baby. I've heard though that the heat can make you go into labor early, so we'll see. I just hope I don't have him on Labor Day because that's just too ridiculous, even for me.

NAME UPDATE: We've agreed on Jonah Yale Murphy. I guess I finally got Yale to come around.

Update at 12:34: Apparently pregnancy hasn't made my math skills any better: being late a day would make Jonah due Sept. 13th as opposed to the 11th. Let's hope skill with numbers is connected with the Y chromosome so I can't F it up

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Oh When the Saints....

I just found out that on my due date, two of my favorite NFL teams are playing each other.
The Saints:And the Redskins:
At least we'll have something to watch on TV, although I would have loved to see it live.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Dream a little dream of me

I had a dream the other night that I'm having a girl. Yale has also overruled the middle name Felicity for Clare. If we have a girl she will be Susanna Clare. If we have a boy he will be known as Baby Boy Murphy until he decides on his own name.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Family Feud

Everyone start thinking pink. I fear that if the ultrasound shows a penis, he will go to college with the name Baby Boy Murphy.
Yale and I can't agree on what we want for a boy's name. He wants something no one else will have (i.e. something weird as shit that will get the poor kid teased). I want something classic-not too popular but not something everyone will think I'm an idiot for naming my child.
Yale's picks: Cash, Kane, Galahad (I'm not kidding)
My picks: Jonah, Patrick, Aiden (even though it's popular I've come to like it)
We (read: I) are open to suggestions. I am just so sick of this. I don't want my child to have a stupid name.
Plus, while we did like the name Shazaam, I think I want something a little less spectacular. :-)
I think if it is a girl I'm going with Susanna Felicity.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

For Your Consideration

I can't decide on a girl's name. I was on Willa for a while but the more I said it the more it sounded like Willow, which I hate. Here are some (totally serious!) options. I would like some feedback on them. The middle name will be Felicity, after Granny whose name was Phillis (Yale is just going to get over the slutty girl he knew with that name--at least it isn't the girl he knew with the nickname Cooter).

1) Jocelyn--Yale's mom is Jacqueline and while I like the idea of naming a child after someone, I don't want the name to be exactly the same. I don't know if I like Jocelyn Murphy though.
2) Joanna--This is the name Yale's grandmother gave to her daughter that died in childhood and I like the sound of it with Murphy.
3) Susanna--my mom is named Suzanne and I love this version of it.
4) Matilda--I've just always liked the name (especially the book by Roald Dahl) but I'm afraid it's becoming too popular.
5) Philippa--Yale hates the name Philip for a boy, but I want to reference my maiden name somehow. I also think Philippa is a kick-ass name, especially with all the historical queens named Philippa.

Okay, so these are the options. I realize most of them aren't anyone's style but my own, however please don't make fun of the names. We had a boy's name all picked out and my dad kept insulting it so that I ended up hating the name (we have a new boy's name BTW and it's pretty awesome, if I say so myself. It starts with a C--guess away, but it's not Cooter!)

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Best Gossip EVER!!!

So a girl I am in law school with is married to a guy from Liberty, MS--this is only minutes away from Kentwood, LA. He went to high school with the Spears clan. This past weekend they hung out with Jamie Lynn Spears (among others).
She is engaged, she's about to be emancipated from her mother, and I know the sex of her baby! This has sadly made my day.
Now this is my mea culpa--I've been completely flakey and shady these past few months and I blame the first trimester. I've not at all felt like myself--more apathetic than anything. Luckily I am back to feeling normal!!!
Ultrasound on 4-16; hopefully the baby will share.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Kiss Me! My Baby and I are Irish!


I am having to put so much various lotions on my skin that I feel like the greased up deaf guy from Family Guy.