I have been out of school since May of 2008, therefore a lot of TV watching has been done. Sometimes I like to watch Maury Povich to see the train wrecks that think going on a television show to prove what a hoe they are is a good idea. Anyway, one time that I happened to tune in the topic was something along the lines of "I Can't Control My Teenage Daughter," or something just as intelligent, and the girls on this show were laughable.
First, as I recall, was a girl, who we'll call Crystal, who was 15 and hovering around 200 pounds. This little bit of a weight problem didn't seem to stop her from whoring around, as she claimed to have had sex with over 20 "men." She also bragged about the fact that she routinely stole her mother's car to take joy rides with her friends during which she smoked pot and drank alcohol. She was also ready to get pregnant and have a baby. Crystal also claimed to have everything she needed to have a baby and she was shown, in true Maury fashion, in front of a pile of baby gear, some clothes and such (which I am assuming was set up for dramatic effect; I just bet ol' Crystal didn't come to the Maury show complete with her entire layette).
Another guest on the show, or should I say guests, were two sisters who shall be known as Destiny and Dynasty. Now one was 16 and other 14. They bragged about having sex, drinking, doing drugs, and that their mother had no say in their lives because they were "grown women." D and D had at one time beaten their mother up when she tried to ground them from going out with their 20 something "boyfriends." They also claimed to have stripped for money at parties.
The last guest I recall will be called Brandi. She was 14 and looked all of 12 (you know that awkward stage girls go through in middle school? Well, Brandi was not an early bloomer). Her father had brought her on the show because he didn't know what to do with her. She did all of the things her compatriots did and was also trying to get pregnant.
While these parents needed to do a few things (namely call the police on the men who were doing their underage daughters and get them the birth control shot or even an IUD) I also wanted to sit them down and give them an idea of what life is like with a baby.
Yes babies are cute and I wouldn't trade mine for the world, however it is not all belly kisses and toothless smiles. Oh no my friends. It is January and my hair hasn't been cut since August, about eleven days before Jonah was born. In fact, before this morning, I honestly couldn't remember the last time I had actually taken a comb to it. The last time I went out with friends? About three months ago when Yale and I went to dinner with Amelia and Todd. We've had friends over, of course, but it just isn't possible to pick up and go do something wild and crazy if you want to (in fact A and T have been trying to plan a time for us all to come over to their house and have dinner and many factors have just made it impossible). Yale and I did go to his office Christmas party, and while I did have WAY too much to drink, I wouldn't exactly call that a spontaneous social occasion.
The only time I get to have as much sleep as I require (which, unfortunately, is more than the average person) is when my parents are angels and take Jonah for the night and Yale and I break out the Ambien. As it is now, Jonah goes to sleep around 8:30 and will wake up to eat anywhere between midnight and 2 (which is WONDERFUL). Yale usually takes this shift. Jonah then wakes up around 4 or 4:30 and wants someone to hold him while he gets another two hours of sleep. Why don't you just leave him in his crib, some may ask. This is not possible. He just keeps getting angrier and angrier until her turns the color of a beet and I'm pretty sure he may explode. Try sleeping through that. So I will get up with him then and, sitting in our rocker/recliner, I hold him while he sleeps another two hours and I also try to get a few more ZZZs, but anyone who has ever slept in a chair knows this isn't exactly an easy thing. Jonah then wakes around 6 or 6:30, ready for a bottle or some baby food, now that we are experimenting with that. He eats this, watches Yale and I eat breakfast from his perch in his vibrating seat that has been dangerously placed on the table, against all the warnings that explicitly say not to do that, making noises and blowing spit bubbles. This lasts for about ten minutes until he wants to do something else, which Mama has to figure out. Yale leaves for work and then it's just Mama and Jonah. He usually sleeps in his swing for about 45 minutes while I rush around cleaning bottles, washing clothes, and picking up the house which always seems to be a complete wreck. Then, with screams that could wake the dead, Jonah decides he's ready to eat again and we have at it. He now goes through about a bottle of formula a 24 hour period; this formula costs about $10 a bottle and about $50 a case (the case containing 6 bottles). We obviously buy by the case, but it still won't last more than a week. Also, if Jonah is complaining to eat and then falls asleep with the bottle in his mouth (which happens quite a bit) the bottle has about a 1 hour shelf life, after which it must be thrown away due to the possibility of bacteria growing to make him sick.
Sometimes I do get time to myself when my dad (who is retired and lives nearby) comes to take him for a few hours. But this time to myself usually means finishing up any chores I didn't get to do in the morning and possibly getting a shower. There is always laundry to do and put and there are always bottles to wash. My hands are perpetually dry due to washing them so much (after diaper changes, before and after making bottles, while doing dishes, etc.) and my hair has to be in a ponytail much of the time because Jonah will either chew on it (a new little habit he's developed) or throw up in it (a not so new habit). My house now has a perpetual smell of baby vomit, I'm sure, or poop. I always smell like baby vomit. There are usually folded clothes on my couches because I don't have time to put them away. I have no time to work out and get rid of the excess baby weight I am still carrying so I am doing Weight Watchers where I have to watch every morsel that goes into my mouth like a hawk (but 2.5 lbs. lost in the first week, woowee!).
The best days were like yesterday when I got to go to the Health Department and wait for three hours for Jonah to get his vaccinations. Yes, I could have gotten them at the pediatrician, however our crappy health insurance will only pay $200 a year for well baby checkups, including vaccines, so we would have had to pay $500 out of pocket for the shots. At the Health Department they were $40. I then had a baby who didn't feel very well all afternoon and all night. Speaking of our crappy insurance, we are still receiving bills from the delivery. Even though I paid an astronomical amount upfront to the doctor and met our deductible, the hospital still wants more money, because my doctor hasn't filed with my insurance about the money I have already paid, or the insurance company just doesn't feel like processing this in a timely manner. Not only that, but we also owe for Jonah, who became his own person upon the severing of the umbilical cord and also had a rather high deductible to meet before they would pay anything. Luckily they are paying what is over the deductible or we would be stuck with a $14,000 hospital bill for two days of NICU care.
So, all you little hoes that want a baby, think of this. I have stretch marks all over my belly that will never go away--there goes all your whorrific tops you enjoy. The skin was stretched so that I avoid low rise jeans at all costs, and I didn't gain that much weight while pregnant--have fun wearing mom jeans with the rest of us. Also, as much as the guy says he will be there and help, there is limited help a man can do--I am married to someone who goes over and above his call of duty and he still can't do some things right; plus, sometimes the baby just wants Mama. And for a final thought--your boobs do get bigger while pregnant and if you breast feed they get even larger, however they don't stay that way. You know what a balloon looks like when it deflates? Have fun with that mental image.
This should help a little. It's Jonah the first time I fed him peaches. He wasn't too impressed.
My mom took a zillion pictures of this pose, but this is the only one that didn't come out fuzzy.
We have a napper!
He likes his Baby Bjorn as long as he is wrapped up in Mama's robe too.
