Thursday, May 28, 2009

I'm alive....barely


So I completed my marathon of exams (sort of, I'm still working on my Con Law take home exam, due June 1) and I'm currently starting my summer school classes. Yes, I've lost my mind, but as my lower brain stem is still working and my cardiac and respiration is still occuring, I'm still considered alive, therefore the title of my post.
Jonah is becomming more and more aware every day which means he is getting badder and badder. I don't mean bad, but just mischevious. For example, he has a fascination with anything plugged into the wall. I have pretty much all plugs hidden, for decorative purposes, but a few have to be exposed for laptops, etc. So if there is something he sees, he crawls immediately to it and pulls. You can tell him "No" but he just looks at you, smiles, and continues. Then if you go over, pick him up and move him, he either just crawls back, or goes for the cable box, which he can just stand up and reach. It's an exhausting chase that doesn't seem to ever end unless he decides it's time to eat or sleep. He also has gotten to the point where he wants all of your attention at all times. He'll scream and demand for it until he gets it. He's a lovely child, really, he's just at that age where he wants wants wants. I think we're in for a fun terrible twos.
I tend to think people dislike me and I think most of the time I'm not too far off the mark. Is that egocentric of me or self-concious? Do the two words mean the same thing with a different connotation?
Also, there is a group of siblings I know who have spouses that are EXACTLY like their parents, in personality and looks. To a point this kind of selection is comical, but in these particular cases, I find it kind of disturbing. Anyone else know people like this?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I hate this place

So I pull up to school today after having split Yale's coffee all down my leg (yes, I smell like coffee) and am driving his car, the Cavalier, which, while clean, doesn't make me feel all that glamourous. I feel gross because I've spent the morning cleaning up a baby soaked in vomit, changing his poopy diaper, taking out the trash and starting his blanket that is also soaked in vomit in the washer so he will sleep tonight. My skin looks like crap and my hair is ratty. I don't want to be here because I am exhausted (the previously mentioned vomit soaked baby didn't sleep well even when he wasn't vomit soaked) and I know I will learn NOTHING in class. I also have no Provigil to give me an artifical sense of energy and goodwill towards men. I am depressed because I keep reading Facebook status updates about how people are never going to have to be in school again and I searched on the federal/state job database and found several positions for an archeologist (erg, where were these 3 years ago?) and also many jobs in agencies that I could apply for if I was graduating.I pull into the parking lot behind whom you may ask?
Miss Perfect. Her blond hair is perfectly blow dried and she is wearing shorts--a garment I haven't worn in public in at least four years. She steps out of her brand new Mercedes SUV with the confidence of having a job upon graduation.
It's days like this that I remember why I developed an eating disorder.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Yes, I am wasting time

I should be studying right now. I'm not.
I now have a plan--and all of you who have tons of student loans and want to get rid of them, take note.
I went to a seminar last week about using public service to repay student loans. The basics are this: work for a non-profit (ex: schools, hospitals, etc.) or the government, have a certain kind of federal loan, make 120 payments on these loans as determined by your income, and after 10 years anything left is forgiven by Uncle Sam. It's not quite as cut and dry as that, but if anyone wants anymore info, e-mail me and I'll be happy to share.
This means I'm (hopefully) going to be working for the government when I graduate. I don't really care what that job is--I just want the benefits and loan forgiveness. I will be happy working to (hopefully) do some good and have some good payback as such.
I have become so jaded by the legal community that I doubt I will ever be able to practice law in any extensive degree. I just hate the idea of screwing over someone for no other reason than they don't have enough money to hire a better lawyer. I also can't stand the ego some of my fellow law students have simply because they are going to have a J.D. FYI: there are some people in prison who know more about criminal law than anyone here ever will.
Can I just reiterate how cool Jonah is? Sometimes he is SO frustrating, but I tend to give him the benefit of the doubt because he is only 8 months old and gets his plans thwarted simply by being picked up and placed somewhere else. That would irritate me too.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Long time, no see


It's been forever since I last posted, mainly because I had to get another computer (the 3rd in 3 years) and I lost all of my old websites. That however, has changed, and now I hope to be updating a little more regularly.
What's going on in Murphyland? Jonah's crawling like a champ and, of course, goes everywhere he shouldn't. I have a feeling that "No, Jonah, No!" will become the refrain of his childhood. What gets me is that he always goes for the grossest things: cell phones, remote controls (TV and otherwise), shoes...the list goes on and on. And of course, everything has to go in his mouth. Luckily, I have the compulsion to never throw anything away so I have old remotes that don't go to anything and now they belong to Jonah. Sadly, all my old cell phones are too heavy to interest him (I now know how technilogically insignificant I am if cell phones I got in college are now heavy) so he is continuing to chew on mine whenever he can steal it. Still no teeth, but not for lack of drooling. I'm terrified that this child will never have a tooth and will go through life in dentures until his permanant teeth come in.
Shortly after J-sizzle began crawling, he learned a new trick: standing up. That's right, the skill that isn't supposed to be learned until around 10 months, my child started performing at 7. I am now greeted by his smiling/screaming little face peaking over the crib in the morning while he holds onto the bars like a criminal demanding release. He doesn't seem to be interested in trying to walk just yet; I have a feeling he only wanted to stand to get to things I would put out of his reach on the couch. His preferred means of locomotion is still crawling but I'm sure once he realizes how much more he can do if he walks that will no longer be the case.
Also, he's tall. He is just about 8 months old and is wearing some 12 month clothes. My little preemie no longer looks as such. His feet are big too, which is kind of funny--he acts like they get in his way when he's crawling.
Needless to say, sitting has long been mastered even though sometimes he gets so involved in what he's chewing on he will topple over. The fireplace has bumpers on it and the sockets have plugs in them. His bumper pads have had to stay on his crib, against all SIDS related guidelines, because he scoots in his sleeps and bangs his head against the sides. I prefer no concussions over the very small chance of SIDS (God help me if that chance affects Jonah).
Exams are coming up and I'm not at all happy about this. I feel like I've not learned anything and am rushing to figure it all out. I also have to find time to study with a very fast moving Jonah. Luckily my dad and Yale's mom are willing to keep E-Z-J as much as we need them to (sine Yale's in the middle of taking the CPA exam this helps more than anyone without children could know). I am going to be taking classes like crazy this summer to try and have a very light fall load. I would rather be insane for two months and normal for the fall than have to meet myself coming and going later.
I still want to loose about 20 lbs. (who am I kidding, I want to loose 40!) but I've accepted myself the way I am now, mainly because I don't have time to worry about it, but also because I am always reminded that my son thinks I am the most beautiful woman in the world. I also tell myself that at least I've had a child and am fat; most people don't even have that excuse.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Jesus Christ! That's no Superstar.

Last night, Yale and I went to see W. Keddler Ltd. Presents Jesus Christ Superstar. While it was nice to get out of the house, the two Hurricane Katrinas and one Mardi Tai I had before partaking of the show did not help me actually enjoy it.
The character of Jesus was played by Ted Neeley, the guy who portrayed him in the 1970s movie version of the musical. While I did not care for his style in the movie, I did go into the show thinking that a man’s performance must change over the 30 some odd years he’s been playing this part in various other productions. Boy, was I mistaken. His screeching through his musical numbers whenever he was supposed to hit a high note (yeah, that’s not called singing) made me feel comfortably at home—and remember, my home has a 6 month old who enjoys the reign of terror he has upon the household to its fullest extent. And by the way, I’ve seen more emoting from marionettes. Although when the actor is of social security age, it does make one wonder if his arthritis was simply acting up—and that would have been all the acting he did all night!
James Delisco was amazing as Judas; he just reinforced my belief that all the apostles should be talented black men with cornrows. I didn’t have very good seats and I could feel his commitment to the role where I was sitting. The highlight of the night was when he reappeared after Judas’ death and not only out sang everyone else but outdanced everyone else too.
The actual production elements were sad. Exhibit one: Costuming. Jesus was dressed in a white robe that looked like an overgrown costume from the Best Christmas Pageant Ever. Wow, putting Jesus in a white robe, how creative. I am so glad that Mary Magdalene was wearing a red dress. You never see that—the “scarlet woman” wearing red. I really hope the designer trademarks that idea because I know it will be copied in droves. However, someone didn’t light test their fabric, or at least they’re not listening to Tim Gunn and using Tide Total Care, because it wasn’t so much red as light maroon. When you put a woman in red, put her in RED. Anything else is just lazy. And why is it that when a woman becomes “good” you just put a blazer on her and she’s fixed? Give me a break. She also put on what seemed strangely like a mantilla at the death of Jesus. Why? The rest of the cast wore various rags in off white, brown, and mustard with the requisite sandals. Don’t hurt yourself now with the creativity; I wouldn’t want the costuming to get too out there or maybe I wouldn’t recognize the play. I actually enjoyed Herod—a man in purple lamé and knee high gold boots is always a fun time.
The set and light design were also very run of the mill. I realize that a touring show can’t have much in the way of scenery, but please, in the entrance to Jerusalem scene, could we not use palm fronds? Even fake ones would have been better than the potato sacks the actors were forced to twirl instead. Oh, but I forget—they probably blew the set budget on the big cross and the wires used to “resurrect” Jesus into the catwalk. I was almost suffocated by the cliché. What really pushed me over the edge was the final overlay of a light film that shot the shroud of Turin onto a big sheet from the catwalk to the floor. WTF?

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

A Quickie

1.) Jonah went to the doctor for his 6 month checkup and he is in the 47% in weight, 78% in head circumference, and the 98% in length. How is he this tall? I asked the doctor and he said, "Well, it must just be his genes." What genes? It's not like Yale and I are descendants of the Jolly Green Giant. He's already wearing 9 month clothes because he is so tall. I have so many outfits he has never worn because the weather wasn't right and now he's too big.
2.) My weight loss has stalled and I gained 2.5 lbs. this week. I blame....um.....the economy. That's what everything else is being blamed on, why not the fact that I am an undisciplined eater? I'm still about 10 lbs. from where I was when I got pregnant and that was about 20 lbs. more than I wanted to be, so that means......I'm screwed?
3.) School is horrible, as usual, and I still haven't figured out what I'm supposed to be learning this semester. It's almost Spring Break and we haven't passed the Civil War in Constitutional Law. I'm hoping it all comes together by exams enough for me to pass. At this point, all I want is to graduate and find a job somewhere that will cover my student loans. Anyone know how I can get a job teaching at an upper level? Anyone?

Monday, February 9, 2009

Big Girl You Are Beautiful!!!

I'm almost back into my pre-pregnancy jeans! I could probably wear them (with a forgiving shirt) right now, but as I still have some stretched out skin that hasn't bounced back yet, I will stay in my larger sized jeans (for all those who have to look at me, hee hee).
I was larger than I wanted to be when I got pregnant, but honestly if I could just get back in those clothes I would be happy.
My husband loves me the way I am and my little boy loves me the way I am, so I should love me the way I am, right? I'm working on it, really. Once you have a child you realize what's important in life and it certainly isn't the number on the inside of my jeans (although I do admit that if I found a brand that sized me at a 2, I would totally buy every pair they made, haha).
Although I really do need a haircut. It hasn't been cut since before Jonah was born and that's almost six months ago. Six!
School is going well, it's just hard to juggle that with being Mommy. I am probably doing the work I should have done in school all along, because I know I won't be able to play catch up later, and man, that is tiring. I prefer being lazy. :-)

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Jenna Spice



Why are so many people rocking the Victoria Beckham, asymmetrical bob that I sported with glee over a year ago? Uh, I totally was first on that boat and, seriously, that ship has sailed.
You don't see people still sporting The Rachel, do you?
Well, outside of Mississippi....

Sunday, January 25, 2009

A Quarter Life Crisis (or Can I Have a Quarter Pounder with Cheese?)

"Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I'm not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don't get in a fight. Ohhhh, back to school. Back to school. Back to school."
- Billy Madison
Any update that starts with a Billy Madison quote must be good, right? Or really bad, depending on what you think of Adam Sandler's early attempts at post-SNL fame.
School is back in session and Jenna is there. It was strange to go back and not strange all at the same time. It's like I was watching a DVD, hit pause, then hit resume six months later. Things are the same, but different. I have a better outlook on school nowadays; it's hard not to when you know there are more important things in life than being number one in a class (and I honestly feel pity for people who don't understand what that means).
I watched the inauguration of our 44th president and, for the first time in a long time, I felt hope for the United States. It's as if we've been living behind a dark curtain and it was lifted last Tuesday. No matter one's political opinions, it is wrong to hope that this current administration fails. If it fails, we fail as a nation. Remember, we are only as strong as we are united, weak as we are divided.
I hit 25 last Friday. I can't say it was disappointing, but I can say it is frightening. I am married, have a child, and am finishing a post-graduate degree. On paper I sound as if I am fulfilling every goal the average person has--that I have it all together. Oh, my friend, I have nothing together. I honestly feel no more adult than I did four years ago (and certainly less so than I did at 18). To adapt a quote, if you know everything at 18, you know nothing at 25 (or 29, or 36, or 42). I had the world figured out once and will spend the rest of my life trying to do it again. Don't get me wrong, I love my life and wouldn't change a thing (ok, maybe I would look like Heidi Klum), but the what ifs always pop up when the mind is least able to deal with them.
I have lost 5 lbs. on Weight Watchers and will probably lose nothing this week, as my birthday has given me the excuse to eat processed sugar. I am still about 30 lbs. away from my goal and at least 10 away from what I weighed when I got pregnant, but I am trying to take it a week at a time. I've realized it's not the junk food I miss (although everyone should know of my Doritos weakness and my sugar addiction) but food that isn't junk but still not so low fat (Pad Thai anyone?).
I've been having the strangest dreams lately. I mean REALLY strange. Could I possibly blame the diet?

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Some Recent Pics

My mom took a zillion pictures of this pose, but this is the only one that didn't come out fuzzy.
We have a napper!
He likes his Baby Bjorn as long as he is wrapped up in Mama's robe too.

You Can't Control Me, I Do What I Want!

I have been out of school since May of 2008, therefore a lot of TV watching has been done. Sometimes I like to watch Maury Povich to see the train wrecks that think going on a television show to prove what a hoe they are is a good idea. Anyway, one time that I happened to tune in the topic was something along the lines of "I Can't Control My Teenage Daughter," or something just as intelligent, and the girls on this show were laughable.
First, as I recall, was a girl, who we'll call Crystal, who was 15 and hovering around 200 pounds. This little bit of a weight problem didn't seem to stop her from whoring around, as she claimed to have had sex with over 20 "men." She also bragged about the fact that she routinely stole her mother's car to take joy rides with her friends during which she smoked pot and drank alcohol. She was also ready to get pregnant and have a baby. Crystal also claimed to have everything she needed to have a baby and she was shown, in true Maury fashion, in front of a pile of baby gear, some clothes and such (which I am assuming was set up for dramatic effect; I just bet ol' Crystal didn't come to the Maury show complete with her entire layette).
Another guest on the show, or should I say guests, were two sisters who shall be known as Destiny and Dynasty. Now one was 16 and other 14. They bragged about having sex, drinking, doing drugs, and that their mother had no say in their lives because they were "grown women." D and D had at one time beaten their mother up when she tried to ground them from going out with their 20 something "boyfriends." They also claimed to have stripped for money at parties.
The last guest I recall will be called Brandi. She was 14 and looked all of 12 (you know that awkward stage girls go through in middle school? Well, Brandi was not an early bloomer). Her father had brought her on the show because he didn't know what to do with her. She did all of the things her compatriots did and was also trying to get pregnant.
While these parents needed to do a few things (namely call the police on the men who were doing their underage daughters and get them the birth control shot or even an IUD) I also wanted to sit them down and give them an idea of what life is like with a baby.
Yes babies are cute and I wouldn't trade mine for the world, however it is not all belly kisses and toothless smiles. Oh no my friends. It is January and my hair hasn't been cut since August, about eleven days before Jonah was born. In fact, before this morning, I honestly couldn't remember the last time I had actually taken a comb to it. The last time I went out with friends? About three months ago when Yale and I went to dinner with Amelia and Todd. We've had friends over, of course, but it just isn't possible to pick up and go do something wild and crazy if you want to (in fact A and T have been trying to plan a time for us all to come over to their house and have dinner and many factors have just made it impossible). Yale and I did go to his office Christmas party, and while I did have WAY too much to drink, I wouldn't exactly call that a spontaneous social occasion.
The only time I get to have as much sleep as I require (which, unfortunately, is more than the average person) is when my parents are angels and take Jonah for the night and Yale and I break out the Ambien. As it is now, Jonah goes to sleep around 8:30 and will wake up to eat anywhere between midnight and 2 (which is WONDERFUL). Yale usually takes this shift. Jonah then wakes up around 4 or 4:30 and wants someone to hold him while he gets another two hours of sleep. Why don't you just leave him in his crib, some may ask. This is not possible. He just keeps getting angrier and angrier until her turns the color of a beet and I'm pretty sure he may explode. Try sleeping through that. So I will get up with him then and, sitting in our rocker/recliner, I hold him while he sleeps another two hours and I also try to get a few more ZZZs, but anyone who has ever slept in a chair knows this isn't exactly an easy thing. Jonah then wakes around 6 or 6:30, ready for a bottle or some baby food, now that we are experimenting with that. He eats this, watches Yale and I eat breakfast from his perch in his vibrating seat that has been dangerously placed on the table, against all the warnings that explicitly say not to do that, making noises and blowing spit bubbles. This lasts for about ten minutes until he wants to do something else, which Mama has to figure out. Yale leaves for work and then it's just Mama and Jonah. He usually sleeps in his swing for about 45 minutes while I rush around cleaning bottles, washing clothes, and picking up the house which always seems to be a complete wreck. Then, with screams that could wake the dead, Jonah decides he's ready to eat again and we have at it. He now goes through about a bottle of formula a 24 hour period; this formula costs about $10 a bottle and about $50 a case (the case containing 6 bottles). We obviously buy by the case, but it still won't last more than a week. Also, if Jonah is complaining to eat and then falls asleep with the bottle in his mouth (which happens quite a bit) the bottle has about a 1 hour shelf life, after which it must be thrown away due to the possibility of bacteria growing to make him sick.
Sometimes I do get time to myself when my dad (who is retired and lives nearby) comes to take him for a few hours. But this time to myself usually means finishing up any chores I didn't get to do in the morning and possibly getting a shower. There is always laundry to do and put and there are always bottles to wash. My hands are perpetually dry due to washing them so much (after diaper changes, before and after making bottles, while doing dishes, etc.) and my hair has to be in a ponytail much of the time because Jonah will either chew on it (a new little habit he's developed) or throw up in it (a not so new habit). My house now has a perpetual smell of baby vomit, I'm sure, or poop. I always smell like baby vomit. There are usually folded clothes on my couches because I don't have time to put them away. I have no time to work out and get rid of the excess baby weight I am still carrying so I am doing Weight Watchers where I have to watch every morsel that goes into my mouth like a hawk (but 2.5 lbs. lost in the first week, woowee!).
The best days were like yesterday when I got to go to the Health Department and wait for three hours for Jonah to get his vaccinations. Yes, I could have gotten them at the pediatrician, however our crappy health insurance will only pay $200 a year for well baby checkups, including vaccines, so we would have had to pay $500 out of pocket for the shots. At the Health Department they were $40. I then had a baby who didn't feel very well all afternoon and all night. Speaking of our crappy insurance, we are still receiving bills from the delivery. Even though I paid an astronomical amount upfront to the doctor and met our deductible, the hospital still wants more money, because my doctor hasn't filed with my insurance about the money I have already paid, or the insurance company just doesn't feel like processing this in a timely manner. Not only that, but we also owe for Jonah, who became his own person upon the severing of the umbilical cord and also had a rather high deductible to meet before they would pay anything. Luckily they are paying what is over the deductible or we would be stuck with a $14,000 hospital bill for two days of NICU care.
So, all you little hoes that want a baby, think of this. I have stretch marks all over my belly that will never go away--there goes all your whorrific tops you enjoy. The skin was stretched so that I avoid low rise jeans at all costs, and I didn't gain that much weight while pregnant--have fun wearing mom jeans with the rest of us. Also, as much as the guy says he will be there and help, there is limited help a man can do--I am married to someone who goes over and above his call of duty and he still can't do some things right; plus, sometimes the baby just wants Mama. And for a final thought--your boobs do get bigger while pregnant and if you breast feed they get even larger, however they don't stay that way. You know what a balloon looks like when it deflates? Have fun with that mental image.
This should help a little. It's Jonah the first time I fed him peaches. He wasn't too impressed.

Monday, December 22, 2008

'Tis the Season



This time of year always makes me reflect on what's changed in my life and what has remained the same. The year 2008 has been especially hard for me and my family.
I found out in early January that I was pregnant; not necessarily a bad thing, but definitely a surprised and something that changed/delayed my carefully laid plans. I felt horrible for the first 16 weeks and had a difficult time adjusting to being pregnant. All during this time, my grandmother who basically helped raise my brother and me was in the hospital; she passed away in March. Yale completed his Master's of Accounting in May and I finished my second year of law school. This past summer, my brother announced that he was getting a divorce. Then Jonah ended up making his debut almost a month early--taking not only his mama and daddy by surprise, but also everyone else. I was required to deal with Jonah in the NICU, not being able to nurse, Jonah having jaundice, acid reflux, and colic, postpartum depression, and all the other wonderful things a newborn needs. November saw the remarriage of my brother, my and Yale's second anniversary, and Jonah hitting the 3 month mark, the holy grail to parents.
Jonah just turned 4 months this past Friday and he's wonderful. He looks JUST like his Daddy (no Mama's baby Daddy's maybe here!) and his personality is shaping up to be much like mine (which is not necessarily a great thing, haha!). He still drinks the really expensive formula, but I would rather pay for that than have a baby in pain. He only wakes up once during the night to eat and his digestive problems are working themselves out. I love him more and more each day and I know don't know what I would do without him.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Nebraska

Sometimes I want to take Jonah and drop him off at one of those safe havens in Nebraska where you can drop your kids and not be prosecuted. Like today when he screamed for about 5 hours with breaks for bottles and the 1 hour walk I took him on just to get some peace and quiet. Maybe I'll loose that baby weight faster than I was thinking--that is if I stop drinking the half bottle of wine a night I've been needing to settle my nerves. I don't know if I'm meant to be a lawyer, but I'm certainly not meant to be a stay at home mom.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Intervention

Jonah's smiles are like crack cocaine: cheap, addicting, and will cause you to do anything to get more.

Monday, October 20, 2008

15

It's currently 1:51 and I'm up for the first feeding of the night. Jonah is back to sleep but I can't get this thought out of my head:
Does anyone else remember the TV show "15"? It was on Nickelodeon when it first started as a network and was all high drama. One of the character's names was Dillon way before that name was cool.
This is what I think of at almost 2 am.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

(Bitter) Sweet 16

As a new mom, I have many worries, the most shallow being my current weight. I've always had a horrible relationship with my body and I can't say that I am in a good place right now. I remember the day I decided to become bulimic--my junior year of high school when I was doing the play "It's a Wonderful Life." The only other person near to my age in that show smoked like a fiend, had horrible skin, and weighed about 100 lbs. I had been near her in rehearsals for a couple of months and one day I had just had it with myself. I always felt too big onstage, too big in life, and I wasn't going to do it anymore. I got to where I would eat half a bagel a day. That's all. I lost 30 lbs. in two months and looked great. I "maintained" my weight by walking at least 3 miles a day (every day) and throwing up food if I felt I had eaten too much. By my freshman year of college I had lost ten to fifteen more pounds and had completely f-ed up my relationship with food. I took off the 2nd semester of my sophomore year because things had gotten way out of control.
I currently am wearing a size 16. This is three sizes larger than the size I had at one time vowed to kill myself if I ever wore. I realize I had a baby two months ago and I shouldn't freak out over how I look so soon, but I do. It seems like I will never be where I want to be again, size wise. I wonder where my self control went. If I tried to eat only a bagel now I would probably faint if I didn't kill someone first. I want to somehow recapture that crazy food nazi person I used to be with a little less of the forced vomiting. Or maybe I should just find someone to convince me that Angelina Jolie really wears a size 12.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Relief

Thank God Jonah's doing better because if he wasn't, Mama would be out of her mind right now. His Prevecid seems to be working rather well, along with the medicine we got that is used for colic but actually relaxes the abdominal muscles so he won't cramp so badly. The only thing that is still a problem is spit-up. Anyone who's been around babies very long knows that spit up happens and you just kind of have to deal, but sometimes he will spit up EVERY TIME you pick him up. We've gotten used to just having burp towels everywhere (there is at least one flung somewhere in every room of the house) but the worst part is the smell. Jonah is on this special formula (which is, of course, the most expensive) because of all his tummy problems and my inability to breastfeed (long story, just know that I feel like a horrible person). It's doing very well but it stinks to high heavens out of the jug, let alone after it's been sitting in his stomach for a while and then comes out. It's the most horrible smell I've ever encountered; I'm pretty sure that smell is what they should use when training people who deal with dead and decomposing bodies. What's terrible about it is that he tends to carry this smell around with him. We tend to baby wipe his neck and face every time we even think he spit up and I bathe him at least once a day, no matter how tired I am, or I end up with a very stinky baby, and not the poop stink (although, let me tell you, that is LOVELY too).
I was freaking out that he wasn't on track developmentally. Most 8 week olds (yes, he's that old!) by now are picking their heads up and smiling all the time and following toys with their eyes. Jonah is still working on the head pick up, is just starting to smile, and seems like any toy I show him doesn't exist. I, of course, was convinced that my child was autistic, until someone much less stressed who has more sleep than I, reminded me that he's really only supposed to be just about four weeks old. Just because a baby is born early doesn't mean he is really that age. I've been told to gauge his developmental milestones based on his due date, not his actual birthdate, since the first three, almost four weeks of his life were spent much the same way they were in the womb, sleeping, eating, and growing. If I do that, he's right on track, maybe even a little ahead, with his age group. All the milestones tend to even out around two or so; it's just keeping your competitive instincts out of it until then (I'd hate to have to beat down someone because they said Jonah was behind their child who was born around the same time).
Yale and I are adjusting to having Jonah here, Yale I think better than I am. At first I was so paranoid that I wasn't doing the "right" thing. I had this idea that I was supposed to be able to do everything: cleaning, cooking, errands, baby care, etc. I hit a mental wall around five-six weeks postpartum. I couldn't do all of these things and the ones I was doing I didn't think I was doing very well at all. I was convinced Jonah didn't like me and that if I wasn't around things wouldn't be any different. First, the doctor put me on a different anti-depressant (the one I was on, Zoloft, I had been put on because I was trying to breastfeed, but that wasn't working--neither the breastfeeding nor the Zoloft). Second, I realized that I wasn't required nor expected to do everything and that asking for help isn't terrible. Third, Yale and I needed a BREAK! We weren't expecting Jonah so soon and we hadn't really had time to prepare mentally to be taking care of a baby, let alone a baby who had all the things wrong with him that we've been dealing with. Luckily, my parents and Yale's mom have been taking turns keeping Jonah when we need a breather or just extra sleep. Since my dad retired he's just across the street and I can take Jonah over there during the day if I need to do something and Yale's mom doesn't work so she has been more than willing to help. I didn't realize that sometimes you just need someone to hold the baby while you try and do laundry or wash bottles or whatever. My parents have also been keeping him on Saturday nights, which means Yale and I usually take Ambien and go to sleep by 8:30. I'm such an independent person that it's hard for me to ask for help, but I've learned to never refuse free babysitting, especially when the baby in question has been up all night screaming because he prefers to sleep on someone, not in his cradle (yes, he's already that spoiled :-)).
What sucks is having to disappoint people. We've made plans with Andy and Rachel probably a million times, that have had to be canceled because we have a sick little guy. I'm reluctant to plan to do anything with people because I don't know what will come up and I feel horrible canceling if I have to. I know people understand, I just hate to be that flaky.
On another note, Jonah loves background noise, so I've been recording lots of TV shows for us to watch during the day. Last night I recorded one about the Duggar family from Arkansas. They have 17 children, another on the way, and their oldest just got married. Last night's special was about him proposing to his wife. Both of them are 20, have known each other for two years, and didn't even kiss until they got married. I totally understand if people want to wait to have sex until marriage (what with all the STDs and shit out there) but it is a foreign concept to me about the not kissing until marriage (not the first I've heard of this--a girl I went to middle school with waited for her first kiss with her husband until they got married and I'm sure if she had felt this way at the time would have waited for her first kiss ever until she got married). I think it's an interesting concept and in some historical cultures kissing is considered more intimate that actually having sex (I know that in the past, Japanese prostitutes had a special, almost taboo, lovemaking technique--kissing). But honestly, a peck on the cheek? A kiss on the top of the head? Simple signs of affection aren't allowed. Only hand holding. And they have to have chaperons wherever they go--because the two individuals', after having made this commitment, can't be trusted? Strange. I don't understand. Also, here's an observation: a shot of them reading the Bible while driving. Dangerous? I think so.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Tummy Trouble

We have been having a time with Jonah lately. For the 1st three weeks of his life, he was the perfect baby--sleeping and eating on a self-imposed schedule and only crying when he needed food (he is one of those who likes to sit in a wet diaper, yuck!). Lately, however, he has been screaming for seemingly no reason except that he was obviously in pain.
Well, like any internet savvy mother, I WebMD'd his symptoms and found that he most likely had reflux. I called the Dr. who proscribed Zantac. Great, I thought, this is going to be over soon and my wonderful baby will be back. Not so fast, sister.
First, Jonah hated the taste of the Zantac so it was difficult to get him to take it. Then I spilled half the bottle trying to get him to take it. Finally it didn't seem to be working at all. He would still have these screaming fits and be writhing in pain, so much so that I dreaded feeding him and he wouldn't be getting hardly any sleep at night.
Yesterday I took him to the doctor and he was checked over thoroughly. Nothing blocking the stomach or intestines, that he could tell, and it just seems that the Zantac wouldn't work for him. Now he's on baby Prevecid and seems to be doing better, but we'll see. I really hope this works, because if it doesn't, I don't know what to do.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

An Aside

Is anyone else watching Project Runway and Top Design? I record them and watch them when I am home with Little Man and have some very strong opinions on both.
Project Runway: Korto needs to win. If anyone thinks differently, they haven't been watching the show. She has not turned out anything that looks crappy or is ugly. She has never been in the bottom and is completely consistent. I would LOVE her to design something for me!
At first I hated Blayne but I was actually sad to see him go. I am so over Kennley. She is good at what she does but not everyone looks right in a 40s style dress with flowered print and tulle. Show something new!
Top Design: It's still early, but right now I like Andrea and Eddie. Andrea has great taste and isn't so hung up on modern design, the way lots of designers can be. Eddie is WAY hyper and makes me nervous when they follow him, but I think he's really talented. He has a great eye for style. We'll see what happens this week.
What's with the Thai guy? He drives me crazy. Stop giggling and WORK. Cary shouldn't have gone home last week but he did because he got Giggly for a partner who SUCKS. I really can't wait for him to leave.

Please, anyone else watching either show, share your thoughts.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Think Before You Act

While I try to keep this blog about Jonah and his life, I just couldn't help but post this. I feel it has a connection because I don't want my little boy to grow up in a world where this behavior is a very real possibility.

Palin's town charged women for rape exams


ANCHORAGE, Alaska (CNN) -- Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin's hometown required women to pay for their own rape examinations while she was mayor, a practice her police chief fought to keep as late as 2000.

A former Alaskan lawmaker says it seems unlikely that Gov. Sarah Palin was unaware of Wasilla's policy.

A former Alaskan lawmaker says it seems unlikely that Gov. Sarah Palin was unaware of Wasilla's policy.

Former state Rep. Eric Croft, a Democrat, sponsored a state law requiring cities to provide the examinations free of charge to victims. He said the only ongoing resistance he met was from Wasilla, where Palin was mayor from 1996 to 2002.

"It was one of those things everyone could agree on except Wasilla," Croft told CNN. "We couldn't convince the chief of police to stop charging them."

Alaska's Legislature in 2000 banned the practice of charging women for rape exam kits -- which experts said could cost up to $1,000.

Palin, the Republican nominee for vice president, often talks about her experience running Wasilla, population approximately 7,000, and that has prompted close scrutiny of her record there. Wasilla's practice of charging victims for their rape exams while she was mayor has gotten wide circulation on the Internet and in the mainstream media. Video Watch CNN's Jessica Yellin check the facts in Wasilla »

Some supporters of Palin say they believe she had no knowledge of the practice. But critics call it "outrageous" and question Palin's commitment to helping women who are the victims of violence.

For years, Alaska has had the worst record of any state in rape and in murder of women by men. The rape rate in Alaska is 2.5 times the national average.

Interviews and a review of records turned up no evidence that Palin knew that rape victims were being charged in her town. But Croft, the former state representative who sponsored the law changing the practice, says it seems unlikely Palin was not aware of the issue.

"I find it hard to believe that for six months a small town, a police chief, would lead the fight against a statewide piece of legislation receiving unanimous support and the mayor not know about it," Croft said.

During the time Palin was mayor of Wasilla, her city was not the only one in Alaska charging rape victims. Experts testified before the Legislature that in a handful of small cities across Alaska, law enforcement agencies were charging victims or their insurance "more than sporadically."

One woman who wrote in support of the legislation says she was charged for her rape exam by a police department in the city of Juneau, which is hundreds of miles from Wasilla.

But Wasilla stood out. Tara Henry, a forensic nurse who has been treating rape victims across Alaska for the last 12 years, told CNN that opposition to Croft's bill from Wasilla Police Chief Charlie Fannon was memorable.

"Several municipal law enforcement agencies in the state did have trouble budgeting and paying for the evidence collection for sexual assault victims," Henry said. "What I recall is that the chief of police in the Wasilla police department seemed to be the most vocal about how it was going to affect their budget."

Croft has a similar memory. He said victims' advocates suggested he introduce legislation as a way to shame cities into changing their practice, and Wasilla resisted.

"I remember they had continued opposition," Croft said. "It was eight years ago now, but they were sort of unrepentant that they thought the taxpayers shouldn't have to pay for that."

He does not recall discussing the issue with then-Mayor Palin.

The bill, HB270, was before the legislature for six months. In testimony, one expert called the practice of billing the victim "incomprehensible." Others compared it to "dust[ing] for fingerprints" after a burglary, only "the victim's body is the crime scene."

During a rape exam, the victim removes her clothing and a medical professional gathers DNA evidence from her body. There is also a medical component to assess her injuries. That component has led some law enforcement agencies to balk at paying.

Henry, the forensic nurse, said charging victims "retraumatizes them."

"Asking them to pay for something law enforcement needs in order to investigate their case, it's almost like blaming them for getting sexually assaulted," she said.

The Alaska Legislature agreed. The bill passed unanimously with the support of the Alaska Department of Public Safety, the Alaska Peace Officers Association and more than two dozen co-sponsors.

After it became law, Wasilla's police chief told the local paper, The Frontiersman, that it would cost the city $5,000 to $14,000 a year -- money that he'd have to find.

"In the past, we've charged the cost of the exams to the victim's insurance company when possible," Fannon was quoted as saying. "I just don't want to see any more burden on the taxpayer."

He suggested the criminals should pay as restitution if and when they're convicted. Repeated attempts to reach Fannon for comment were unsuccessful.

Judy Patrick, who was Palin's deputy mayor and friend, blames the state.

"The bigger picture of what was going on at the time was that the state was trying to cut their own budget, and one of the things that they were doing was passing on costs to cities, and that was one of the many things that they were passing on, the cost to the city," said Patrick, who recalls enormous pressure to keep the city's budget down.

But the state was never responsible for paying the costs of local investigations. Patrick was also a member of Wasilla City Council, and she doesn't recall the issue coming before council members, nor does she remember discussing the issue with Palin.

She does recall Palin going through the budget in detail. She said Palin would review each department's budget line by line and send it back to department heads with her changes.

"Sarah is a fiscal conservative, and so she had seen that the city was heading in a direction of bigger projects, costing taxpayers more money, and she was determined to change that," Patrick said.

Before Palin came to City Hall, the Wasilla Police Department paid for rape kits out of a fund for miscellaneous costs, according to the police chief who preceded Fannon and was fired by Palin. That budget line was cut by more than half during Palin's tenure, but it did not specifically mention rape exams.

In a statement, Jill Hazelbaker, communications director for Sen. John McCain's presidential campaign, said that "to imply that Gov. Palin is or has ever been an advocate of charging victims for evidence gathering kits is an utter distortion of reality."

"As her record shows, Gov. Palin is committed to supporting victims and bringing violent criminals to justice," Hazelbaker said. "She does not, nor has she ever believed that rape victims should have to pay for an evidence gathering test."

Those who fought the policy are unconvinced.

"It's incomprehensible to me that this could be a rogue police chief and not a policy decision. It lasted too long and it was too high-profile," Croft said.

The rape kit charges have become an issue among Palin critics who say as governor she has not done enough to combat Alaska's epidemic problem of violence against women. They point to a small funding increase for domestic violence shelters at a time when Alaska has a multibillion-dollar budget surplus. Victims' advocates say that services are lacking and that Palin cut funding for a number of programs that treat female victims of violence.

In the past week, Alaska's challenges with sexual assault have been in the spotlight again -- in connection with an ongoing inquiry into whether Palin abused her power by firing the head of Alaska's Department of Public Safety. Palin's office released e-mails showing that one area of disagreement between her and Department of Public Safety Commissioner Walt Monegan was his lobbying in Washington for $30 million to fund a new program of sexual assault response teams.

The McCain-Palin campaign insists that fighting domestic violence and sexual assault are priorities for Palin. And they say she has been looking at other programs to support. As governor, Palin approved a funding increase for domestic violence shelters -- $266,200 over two years. And she reauthorized a Council on Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/09/21/palin.rape.exams/index.html